Gay Place: Christmas Bacon

Stanley Roy is talkin' 'bout Christmas (photo by Shelley Hiam)

Ooooh, can't you just smell it a-sizzlin' (or festering, depending on how this season's antics turn out)? Join Stanley Roy, Rebecca Havemeyer, Little Stolen Moments, Tickles Pickles, and the crew to find out what hijinx the Infant of Prague gets himself into this year (See Friday-Sunday.)

ON OUR GAYDAR

AGLCC Holiday Party & Awards Dinner Year-end chamber awards and a chance to glance at the new board. Mix and mingle with a ho ho jingle, and tell the AGLCC a unicorn sent you ... and apparently, that unicorn has been nominated for an award. Thu., Dec. 18, 6:30-8:30pm. Renaissance Austin Hotel, 9721 Arboretum Blvd. $75. www.aglcc.org.

Twisted Tiki Holiday Extravaganza A bizarre bar bazaar with pop-up shops from top shops like Lace With Romance, Miss Mostess, Fox Den, and more. Plus drag queen karaoke, a s'mores station, and free roasted piggy. Thu., Dec. 18, 7pm. King Bee, 1906 E. 12th. $5 or 5 canned items donation.

December BedPost Confessions Guest emcee Nikki DaVaughn hosts the BPers first-ever deaf performer Paul Shreeman, ASL interpreter and ukulele queen Jessica Graves, the Gay Place's own (brilliant art prof) Andy Campbell, and cellist and all-around badass Jen Mulhern. Thu., Dec. 18, 8pm. The North Door, 502 Brushy. $10. www.fb.com/bedpostconfessions.

Kabarette with a K!: Festival of Light MC Sweet Tea hosts Goldie Candela, Sarah Sparkles, Joannie Wu, Electra Mourning, and D. Poet Powell, plus, live painting by Randi Southard. Thu., Dec. 18, 9pm. Highland Lounge, 404 Colorado. Free; VIP service available. www.fb.com/kabarettewithak.

Tacky Ugly Xmas Sweater Party Welp. Good ol' Heathcliff Huxtable needn't be tarred by the same brush as his channeler, but geeez, tacky sweaters have an extra added creepiness this particular year. Featuring Danger Cricket, Leland, and the Barbarians of Sevilla. Thu., Dec. 18, 9:10pm. Chain Drive, 84 East Ave. (I-35 access road).

Customer Appreciation Day Thank you, dear bears and bear admirebears, for another great year! Hot buffet (5pm), door prizes, and DJs Alpha and Todd spin you right 'round. Fri., Dec. 19, 3pm-2am. The Iron Bear, 121 W. Eighth. www.fb.com/theironbearatx.

Lizzy Caroloke Holiday Edition Fresh from the Chron's holiday party, Lizzy gets you in the mood for figgy pudding and more. The list is online (thanks to Adam). Study up. Fri., Dec. 19, 9pm (usually on third Thursdays, but moved due to holidays). Badlands, 1203 Chicon. www.karaokelist.net.

A Very Jerry Christmas The must-see show of the year, starring: Rebecca Havemeyer, Stan­ley Roy, Mitzi, Silky, Little Stolen Mo, Russell, Khatti, the Infant o' Prague, and bacon, bacon, bacon. And if ya fancy: See it from the balcony with a bottle and thou. Fri.-Sun., Dec. 19-21, 7:30pm. The North Door, 502 Brushy. $20-150; $12 advanced, online. Bring a new, unwrap­ped toy for a tot for $5 off. www.fb.com/rebecca.havemeyer.

HAIL YASSS: Heart of Yasss Blondie Night Hosted by Bulimianne Rhapsody. DJ Young Creature will keep you hanging on the dance floor all night. Fri., Dec. 19, 10pm. Chain Drive, 84 East Ave. Free.

Middle School Dance Party The return of the awkward years with DJs GirlFriend and Boi Toi at the helm. Dress to sweat, you bet. Fri., Dec. 19, 10pm. Cheer Up Charlie's, 900 Red River. www.fb.com/girlfriendatx.

Avant Glam: 12 Nights! Lord's a'leapin'! It's a Christmas cabaret presented by Sassy Delure and friends. Sat., Dec. 20, 8pm. The HighBall, 1142 S. Lamar. $15-30. www.fb.com/avantglamcabaret.

Jingle Balls Dance yr Xmas ballz off with DJ Alpha. Sat., Dec. 20, 9pm. Chain Drive, 84 East Ave. Free.

Lesbian Wedding: A Tea Dance The last of this monthly carpet brunch from the guiding eye behind Free & Queer Cinema featuring different DJs and entertainment for 2014. And yes, there's always cake. This month: Lesbians on Ecstasy's Lynne T and Lizzy Caroloke (6-8pm). Sun., Dec. 21, 2-8pm. The Sahara Lounge, 1413 Webberville. Free.

Mong-Lan and Abe Louise Young Read their latest. Sun., Dec. 21, 2pm. Malvern Bookstore, 613 W. 29th. www.monglan.com, www.abelouiseyoung.com.

Winter Solstice Celebration An array of poets read, then Abe Louise Young presents the Solstice Ritual, plus music by M Renee Suaste, Nancy Scott, Babies in Black, and more. Sun., Dec. 21, 3-7pm. BookWoman, 5501 N. Lamar. www.ebookwoman.com.

Yara Sofia & Joslyn Fox Together RuPaul duo teams up with the Sunday Divas for marvelous mayhem. Sun., Dec. 21, 9pm-2am. Oilcan Harry's, 211 W. Fourth.

Celebration of Love Hors d'oeuvres, sweet treats, dancing, and laughter, and complimentary cocktails for the first 150. Welcome back, Summer McKee! Mon., Dec. 22, 6:30-9:30pm. The Driskill Hotel, 604 Brazos. $25-100 donations accepted. www.octopusclub.org.

TuezGayz Lonely Christmas Eve Eve? Join your pals at the dependably fruitastic, Austin's legendary weekly weekday gay night on Red River. Tuesdays, 9pm. Barbarella, 615 Red River. www.fb.com/barbarella.austin.9.

On the Dozenth Day of Christmas Why drink alone on Christmas when you can lounge around in your pjs in public with free movies and Chinese food all day/night long? Thu., Dec. 25, 2pm. Dozen Street, 1808 E. 12th. www.fb.com/dozenstreet.

Ho-rizon

Queer Your New Year Early Come hang with DJs Fine & Dandy With Kate & Andy of the Gay Place and on the last weekend of 2014 to train your New Year's New Queers muscle and get ready for the big night. Sat., Dec. 27, 9pm. The Iron Bear, 121 W. Eighth. www.fb.com/djsfinedandywithkateandy.

Gatsby: Roaring Twenties New Year's Eve Glitz with the ritz at this flappin' affair with live tunes by Chico Chico and spins by Art Outside fave DJ Happy Happy James. Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm-2am. Highland Lounge, 404 Colorado. Free before 10pm; $10 after; $150-1,000 VIP. www.highland.ticketbud.com/gatsby-roaring-20-s-new-year-s-eve.

Gilded: An Alchemical New Year's There goes Justine quoting Yeats and getting all Auric Goldfinger ... or Goldmember ... or King Midas on us, turning her cottage industry into a gold-beaten Studio 54 ... or Bronze Age ... or Gilded Age (oh you know how she likes to mix things up) for the new year. Price includes lobster claws, prime rib, and gold-leaf desserts (oh my), plus midnight champers (and you know when it's Justine, odds are it is champagne from Champagne) toast from towers, then free-flowing till you tipple into a taxi. Who but Golden Dawn Arkestra could top this bill? Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm-2am. Justine's Brasserie, 4710 E. Fifth. $175, $150 pre-sale (this will sell out). www.justines1937.com.

New Year With Family A*Fab's annual New Year's Eve bash has some company: Austin Pride. Come enjoy Luciana, Kristine W., and the Atlantics featuring the wild and wonderful Courtney Sanchez and raise some dough for our annual Pride Fest. Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm. Hyatt Regency Austin, 208 Barton Springs Rd. $141.39. www.afabaustin.org, www.austinpride.org.

NYE at Rain on 4th DJ Deftone spins his "Year in Review." Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm-2am. Rain on 4th, 217 W. Fourth. $100-125 including two admissions and a bottle; ask about booth reservations.

Lone Star Bear's NYE Get snug as a bug in a rug with our buds at the Bear. Champagne pre-order available. Toast at midnight for everyone. Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm-2am. The Iron Bear, 121 W. Eighth. www.ironbear.com.

NYE @ CUC No Play Music presents their annual ushering in of the annum with Sinclair, Sphynx, Grape St., Sour Notes, Löwin, Silk Rodeo, Mom Jeans, and DJ GirlFriend bringing the 2015. Wed., Dec. 31, 8pm-2am. Cheer Up Charlie's, 900 Red River. $7, $5 advance. www.noplaymusic.com.