The Luv Doc: Dream Crushing

Dearest LuvDoc,
One of my oldest friends recently told me she wants to quit her state job, that she’s had for 15 years, and start selling real estate. She says she really loves houses and that she thinks she might be good at it, but she’s also really shy and not outgoing at all. I think this might be a big mistake. She doesn’t seem like the “salesperson” type. Should I discourage her ... or rather ... how do I discourage her?
- Lindsey

You’re on the right track here, Lindsey! It’s the responsibility of all truly good friends to mercilessly crush each other’s hopes and dreams. Not everyone gets the benefit of a wicked stepmother, an abusive father, or an evil twin. You can’t just leave dream crushing to the relatives. Besides, as everybody knows, family just makes things worse.

Who would we be today if it weren’t for all the well-meaning people telling us what we shouldn’t do or try? I shudder to think. Seriously: That MMA fighter thing could have gone horribly, painfully wrong, and does anyone really want the LuvDoc in the Oval Office? Certainly not the Republicans … or the Democrats … or the Libertarians … or anyone who isn’t comfortable with a clothing optional, drug-legal, largely anarchistic society – and by “anarchistic” I’m not talking about organized, thoughtful, circle A anarchism but rather the Darwinistic, Mad Max melee that would surely ensue were I to get a grip on the governmental joystick of the free world.

Rest easy. It ain’t gonna happen. I have a huge bone pile of skeletons in my closet. The rabid hyenas of the holier-than-thou press would rip me to pieces.

That said, I hope your friend appreciates your attempts to sabotage her plans by instilling doubt and fear. After all, houses are pretty and whatnot, but the business of selling them can be ugly and bitter. People are generally nice too, but they often turn mean when you dip too deeply into their bank accounts. Most importantly, grand ideals about honesty, integrity, and service to humanity often fall to the wayside when they interfere with drawing a paycheck. Sales is a dark abyss swirling with lost souls, and I see no reason to willingly toss your friend into it.

EXCEPT, this is something that she apparently really wants to do and it’s not like she’s planning on murdering Dick Cheney (get in line, right?) or staging a dinner theatre production of Cats. Your friend should be allowed, nay encouraged, to fail at real estate just like everyone else. You should support her fully in realizing her dream, help her in any way you can and, like a true friend, never let her forget what an idiotic idea it was once it all falls to pieces. I know you would expect her to do the same for you.