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Holigays are upon us, people. Have you mapped out your calendar?

<b>Christmas Apocalypto</b>
Christmas Apocalypto


GIRLFRIEND PRESENTS This month's Lady party turns another sign of the zodiac with DJ S.I.R. Second Thursdays. Cheer Up Charlie's, 1104 E. Sixth, 431-2133. Free.

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION Have you seen their cus­tomers? Meow. We appreciate them, too. And don't they look nice next to that huge buffet? Fri., Dec. 14, 6-10pm. Oilcan Harry's, 211 W. Fourth. Free.

HOLIDAY CRAFTS FOR DRUNK PEOPLE Oh, it's "Drunk for the Holidays with Emily Lowe," with the sassy half of the two sassies behind Drunk Dial. Come let us adore her! But, honey, stop huffing the gluestick. We need it for the glitter. Fri., Dec. 14, 7-9pm. Cheer Up Charlie's, 1104 E. Sixth. Free.

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS KARAOKE Hosted by Ursula. Holy crap. Fri., Dec. 14, 9pm. Cheer Up Charlie's, 1104 E. Sixth. Free.

CHRISTMAS APOCALYPTO Guess who's coming to WTF? Rebecca and Stanley Roy must be quaking in their figgy pudding knowing that Silky Shoemaker, Little Stolen Moments, Mitzy Myers, and Russell Reed are headed back to town for this magical baconator weekend of holiday hullaballoo. Thu.-Sat., Dec. 13-15, 8:30pm. ND at 501 Studios, 501 N. I-35, 485-3001. $12.

LONE STAR BEARS CHRISTMAS PARTY A-tisket, a-tasket, check out that holiday bear basket. Fri., Dec. 14, 9pm-2am. The Iron Bear, 121 W. Eighth. Free.

BOULDIN CHRISTMAS BIZARRE Bouldin: bizarre? Naaahhh. Sat.-Sun., Dec. 15-16, 2012. Bouldin Creek Coffeehouse, 1900 S. First, 416-1601.

LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS HOLIDAY LUNCHEON This three-month old baby elephant invites you to brunch and mingle, with a Second Street stroll to follow. Sat., Dec. 15, brunch, 1-4pm; Holiday Window Walk, 4-6pm. Trace at the W Hotel, 200 Lavaca. $25.

BASKETBALL 101 CLINIC They even have a session on offensive moves. You know we're into that. Sat., Dec. 15, 2-5pm. Austin Sports Center, 425 Woodward. RSVP required.

ST JAMES' FOUNDERS DAY GALA Dinner and a diva: Thelma Houston, y'all! Thelma freakin' Houston! Sat. Dec. 15, 6pm reception, 7pm dinner and show. AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center, 1900 University. $100.

SANTA'S TWISTED PLAYHOUSE Join Miss Kitty Lit­ter, Dancing Baby Bear, Joe Stacey, and more for a harrowing holiday happening. Did somebody say basket raffles? Sat., Dec. 15, 9:30pm. Chain Drive, 504 Willow.

DEEP INSIDE Monthly romp with DJs Flying Turns, CBass, and Bill Converse, now with "wider, longer" dance floor. That's what he said. Sat., Dec. 15, 10pm-2am. Loft 718, 718 Congress. $3-5.

DAMES OF DECEPTION These dames deceive! Sat., Dec. 15, 11pm. Rusty's, 405 E. Seventh, 482-9002. Free.

AGBL SIGN-UP DEADLINE Declare your intentions for the Austin Gay Basketball League and their winter season. First come, first served. Get online for details. Sun., Dec. 16. $45.

LGBT THE MUSICAL The trials and travails of three couples ... and brunch! Sun., Dec. 16, 1pm. Old School Bar and Grill, 401 E. Sixth. $10 suggested donation.

WINTER SOLSTICE & TRANS­GRESSIVE TALES: QUEERING THE GRIMMS Come by before Kay Turner's Transgressive Tales for some cookies, music, ritual, and open house. Oh, and babes. You wanna tear through some real princess diaries? Austin ex-pat (and Girls in the Noser) Kay Turner and pal Pauline Greenhill really fuck with your happy endings. Sun., Dec. 16, 2:30-8pm. BookWoman, 5501 N. Lamar. Free.

GRRLZ WILL BE BOIZ Sweet band plays Super Sized Sunday: DJ Waide in the dancehall and barbecue on the patio early (4pm), live music (5pm), and trivia with Rob (6pm). Sundays, 2pm. Rusty's, 405 E. Seventh.

A VERY PINK CHRISTMAS The Austin Babtist Women show their pink for the Breast Cancer Resource Center. Sun., Dec. 16, 7pm. Oilcan Harry's, 211 W. Fourth, 320-8823.

AUSTIN BAR LGBT FESTIVUS PARTY Cocktails, holiday snacks, tequila tasting, and lawyers, lawyers, lawyers. Sun., Dec. 16, 7pm. Private residence, contact for details, 347-1604. Bring nonperishable for ASA.,

WINTER FORMAL Fancy-pants ho'down (or fancy ho pants down?) featuring the Dikes of Holland, OBN III's, Gal Pals. BYOB, 21+. Tue., Dec. 18, 9pm-2am. Broken Neck, 4701-B Red Bluff. $5 suggested donation to HAMM.

AGLCC AWARDS & HOLIDAY PARTY It's the AGLCC's first ever Awards ceremony and holiday jam with your humble vinyl spinners DJs Fine & Dandy with Kate & Andy (hey, we know them!). Thu., Dec. 20, 5:45-9pm. Sheraton Austin Hotel at the Capitol, 701 E. 11th, 478-1111, 404-6942. $35 for members, $50 for future members.

DECEMBER BEDPOST CONFESSIONS One free Drambuie cocktail to the first 20 people in the door. Thu., Dec. 20, 8-10:30pm. ND at 501 Studios, 501 N. I-35, 485-3001. $10.


A*FAB AND ASA NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY The Susan Arbuckle Band, special musical performer Tje Austin, and host Rich Segal headline this schmancy evening of doing good and having a blast with friends and fam all at the same time. Ring in the new year with the requisite champagne toast and welcome 2013 with a yummy midnight breakfast buffet. Mon, Dec. 31, 2012. Hyatt Regency Austin, 208 Barton Springs Rd. $125 and up.

QUEER RIDE'S JINGLEBELL'D LIGHTS TOUR It's a special holiday ride with Team ProHo-ho-homo. Texas State Capitol, 1100 Congress. Free.

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