The Luv Doc: How Old Is too Old?

Old people creep everyone out - including themselves

The Luv Doc: How Old Is too Old?

My sister is dating a guy that is 14 years older than she is. He is good-looking and nice and everything, but it kind of creeps me out. Am I just being a bitch? Shouldn’t there be a cutoff age difference?
- Sharon

That’s a tough one, Sharon. Old people creep everyone out – including themselves. There’s nothing quite as horrifying as catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror one morning and realizing that you look exactly like your grandmother – especially if you’re a dude. Seriously, no one should have long, pointy breasts, a dowager’s hump, or an ankle-length scrotum – and certainly not all three. Unholy trifectas like that are solid proof of a ruthlessly malevolent creator. A Logan’s Run scenario would be a much kinder finish in my opinion, but no self-respecting God would take notes from a cheesy Seventies sci-fi film starring Michael York. Oh and by the way, if Michael York is dating your sister he is definitely up for renewal at this point, so relax. Let nature take its course. That brings up my first rule of age difference: If the younger person in a relationship is over age 50, it doesn’t matter how old the older person is. It’s just a blessing that they’re both off the market. When the younger person is under 50, things get a little trickier. Here’s a rhetorical problem: How can you tell if an older person who wants to date you is a normal person or just a really patient child molester? Sure, you’re 35 now and he’s only 50, but a scant 20 years ago he would have been a 30 year old trolling for high school freshman strange. Hello? Amber alert. Yes, even if he looked like Matthew McConaughey. So yeah, I have to say that (for me at least) there are some limits. There might be people out there who think it’s OK for your 10-year-old sister to date a 24-year-old guy as long as he’s good-looking and nice, but (and I’m probably going to sound like a real bitch here) it really creeps me out. If, however, your sister is over the age of 18, the law - and by extension society in general – is OK with her dating and even marrying a 90 year old, even if he is a skeezy old perv. My suggestion to you however, is to try not to think of your sister’s boyfriend in that way. Clearly she sees something in him that transcends the difference in their ages, and if you keep an open mind and focus on your sister’s happiness, you might too. Either that or you’ll give yourself acid reflux obsessing about the leatheriness of his taint.

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Dan Hardick

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