After a Fashion
Top 10 Quotes of 2010
(In no particular order):
1) RICHARD CHAMBERLAIN "I wouldn't advise a gay leading-man-type actor to come out. ... It's still dangerous for an actor to talk about that."
Dickie Chamberlain then went on to say that being typecast as a gay actor can hurt a Hollywood superstar's chances of landing big roles, limiting him or her to bit parts. OK, Dr. Kildare, let's have a little chat, shall we? You were a leading television heartthrob in the early 1960s. Approximately 40 years later, in 2003, your career was already on the skids, and you wrote a memoir in which you came out of the closet as a homosexual. ("Whaaat?" my 81-year-old mother exclaimed. "We've known that all along!") Richard, Richard, Richard. Do you really think you'd still be landing leading roles if you hadn't admitted you had a predilection for peen? Doubtful. But instead of providing inspiration with your admission, you recommend that others do just the opposite and not talk about it. Dickie, darling, how do you think we can make any changes if we don't talk about it? Your grade for this quote is a "D" for "delusional."
2) PAT ROBERTSON "I'm not exactly for the use of drugs, don't get me wrong, but I just believe that criminalizing marijuana, criminalizing the possession of a few ounces of pot, that kinda thing, it's just, it's costing us a fortune, and it's ruining young people. Young people go into prisons; they go in as youths, and they come out as hardened criminals. That's not a good thing."
Oh, Pat, bless your pea-pickin' little heart. There is some compassion and understanding in that feeble brain of yours. As the leader of what may have been one of the world's largest prison ministries, you have firsthand experience with these "criminals," and though you're just as likely to spout off something shockingly ridiculous (yes, you seconded Jerry Falwell's assertion that gays and lesbians helped provoke the 9/11 terrorist attacks and suggested a "very small nuke" might go a long way to "shake things up"), you give us hope for a more realistic, enlightened Christian right. This quote gets an "A" for "astonishing."
3) THE SITUATION "You can't creep with a black eye and blood on your previously fresh-to-death T-shirt."
Whatever that means, Sitch, I'm absolutely sure you're correct. In fact, I'm sure that if I didn't agree with you, I too would wind up with a black eye and blood on my previously fresh-to-death T-shirt. But secretly, you creep me out big-time. I loathe you and your embarrassing cast mates and the system that even allows cretins like you to become "stars." Your grade for this quote is "D" for "disturbing."
4) STEVEN SLATER "I've had it. That's it."
And awaaay he goes! JetBlue flight attendant Slater left his job the way millions of us would like to have done. Buh-bye. Don't you wish your job had an escape chute too? Slater gets an "A" for "audacity."
5) HEIDI MONTAG "I'm desperate to go back to normal. I'm downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D. ... I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren't working, so I stopped. It hurt either way. ... I'm obsessed with fitness, but it's impossible to work out with these boobs. It's heartbreaking. I can't live an everyday life. ... I feel trapped in my own body."
Heidi crowed to the world how proud she was to have undergone 4,873 cosmetic surgery procedures in one day. Okay, it wasn't quite 4,873 procedures, but still – an astounding amount. Her monstrously large breast implants (cup size G) resemble inflated air bags pinned to a skeleton, and her face wound up looking like something that wasn't quite human. Though her surgeon might have exercised more caution, he died shortly thereafter. Coincidence? I think not. At least Heidi was gracious enough to wait until he was dead to defame him. I'm sure he gave her exactly what she asked for, and now she's getting exactly what she deserves. She gets a grade "D" for "dumbass skank."
6) GEORGE W. BUSH "I had a sickening feeling every time I thought about it. I still do."
Thus writes W in his new memoir, Decision Points, about how he still feels bad that no weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq. Believe us, Georgie, we all get a real sick feeling too. An "F" for "fool" (or is it an F for W?).
7) DINA LOHAN "The family is very disappointed that a judge would say that in a court of law."
A judge in New Jersey who was sentencing that repulsive dwarf Snooki to two days' community service for drunk and disorderly conduct referred to the badly behaved troll as a "Lindsay Lohan wannabe." Lindsay may not have invented drunk and disorderly conduct, but she is indeed the leading purveyor of it. Dina (AKA White Oprah) gets a "D" for "denial" on her remark.
8) WILLOW PALIN "Ha-ha your so gay. I have no idea who you are, but what I've seen pictures of, your disgusting. ... My sister has a kid and is still hot."
Having spewed out these and more homophobic epithets, this bitch needs a big ol' glass of STFU. We think Willow should just make like a tree and leave. She gets an "F" for "future reality-show contestant."
9) JESSE JAMES "The claims of sex tapes are untrue and completely fabricated."
And yet RadarOnline.com quotes a source who says otherwise, claiming the Vanilla Gorilla made more than a dozen sex tapes with various female cum dumpsters. "What I saw was a naked woman on her knees and Jesse in a Nazi hat waving his arm in a salute. It looked like the woman's hands were bound. He was shouting and singing and appearing to swig from a bottle of bourbon every now and then." Personally we hope the claims are untrue. That calls for a "D" for "doubtful."
10) SARAH PALIN "But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies. We're bound to by treaty."
Psycho Sarah revealed her true allegiance after being asked during an interview on Glenn Beck's radio show how she would handle the current hostilities between North and South Korea. When Beck corrected her, she replied: "Yeah. And we're also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes." She gets a "C" for "cluelessness."