Gay Place

Gay Place gets all up in the holiday bootay

GAY APPAREL, GAY FURNITURE, GAY ADVENTURES... It occurred to us that we've never weighed in on the gift orgy that happens Chronically between T'giving and New Year's. Sure, gay people can plumb awesome DVD, music, games, books, and foodie things to lavish upon giftees just like anybody else, but a gay perspective, a gay cheat sheet as it were, might be nice. However, instead of focusing on DVDs, music, games, books, and food, we shall focus on... tha booty!

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INSPIRE THAT BOOTY Austin's last vestige of video nasties for the LGBT set, Tapelenders is also home to Skivvies' underdrawers nexus, boasting all manner of designer thongs, slings, jocks, and nut-huggers. Butt! If you'd like to inspire your intended to acquire the type of booty that looks good in a pair of Andrew Christians or 2xists, then check out Tapelender's full line of Vitruvian decor. Inspired by daVinci's Vitruvian Man (aka the Canon of Proportions), these sculptures feature the sort of classic, chiseled male torsos that would make P-enviers like Camille Paglia or Ayn Rand pee their pants (probably standing up, see below). We recommend Greek Wrestlers (see pic right). 1114 W. Fifth, #201, 472-0844.

PROBE THAT BOOTY Wanna get up close and personal with butt plugs before you buy? The aforementioned Tapelenders and our personal best of the anal analyzers set, Forbidden Fruit, can help. Beads, plugs, vibes – it's all there, and it's all goooood. Plus, the staff is super easy to chat up. You know, about the merch .... 512-A Neches, 478-8358, and 108 E. North Loop, 453-8090.

WORK THAT BOOTY If your concept of "buttery, toasted buns" does not involve a Wendy's Baconator, heed: The butts of the trainers at Anytime Fitness inspire change. (Don't tell them we told you.) It's a standard gym with few frills, so unless your giftee's butt requires frills, give a membership. We also are intrigued by the promise of acquiring gluteal maximosity while learning a viable, marketable skill, so we also recommend Castle Hill Fitness' Hula-Hoop class and the array of training options at Brass Ovaries Pole Dancing. Giving a certificate for any of these places/programs promises a firm return on your investment.;;

RELAX THAT BOOTY Spa-taneous combustion is pretty much guaranteed when you present a spa certificate to your honey. Expect an immediate monkey-jump and some very sloppy (but sincere) gratitude as your lover plots which treatment to get. Now, we here at the Gay Place present fairly queerly – there's no mistaking us for anything but gay all day. As we can attest, the seasoned pros at the world-class (rated "No. 1 Destination Spa" by Conde Nast and "Best Spa" by our readers) Lake Austin Spa Resort can make the doofiest dyke daddy feel like the belle of the ball. Purchase spa treatments or shoot the moon with all-encompassing packages featuring nights at the resort. Right now through New Year's Eve, for every $270 spent in LakeHouse Spa gift certs, you'll receive a bonus traditional manicure (worth $50). There's also the Holidays at the Spa package available now through Jan. 5 that knocks 30% off certain packages with 3-night or longer stays.

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SIT THAT BOOTY RIGHT ON DOWN You can't feather the flat of your high-end call boy or ample mistress with anything less than a nice chair from NEST. Hint: Our ass looks great flanked by the wings of the retro-mod Cole chair (see pic). If the $2,500-plus price tag intimidates, NEST also offers reasonably priced clocks, office supplies, and dinnerware, but we don't recommend using any of those on your culo. 1009 W. Sixth, 637-0600.

KICK THAT BOOTY You know the Gay Place loves the Pride Socks and the Bookwoman. So, we heartily endorse going to Bookwoman, picking up some Pride Socks, wrapping up a pair for you and a pair for boo, then come gifting-time, slipping them on, and playing a game of footsie or bootsie with your sweetsie. 5501 N. Lamar, A-105, 472-2785.

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DON'T SOAK THAT BOOTY The babes at Bookwoman also feature another great stocking stuffer: The pStyle. You've heard of L-style and G-style? Well, the pStyle is one of those colored, plastic contraptions that, when inserted in some ... ahem, lady pants, allows her to ... ahem, "whistle Dixie" whilst standing up.

COVER THINE BOOTY We get asked all the time: Please recommend some gay-friendly shopping places? We could go on all day. But we'll pick three: Amelia's Retro-Vogue & Relics, old school vintage style; Coco Coquette, new whirled order wig mavens; and Stag, leather, Levi's, and man lace for discerning gents of all gender expressions. Amelia's, 2213 S. First, 442-4446.; Coco, 2109 E. Cesar Chavez, 323/702-6061. Stag, 1423 S. Congress, 373-7824.

MAKE THE BOOTY Personally, our favorite gifts come from the heart and from the hands. Do with that advice what you will. Happy ho'lidaze!

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