After a Fashion

The photo in this week's column isn't NSFW, especially if you work at Anchovies or Midtowne Spa

The moon shall shine brightly over 
this year's ArtErotica.
The moon shall shine brightly over this year's ArtErotica. (Photo by Seabrook Jones/

SPRUNG It is undeniable that spring has sprung, damnit. Now I find myself woefully overdressed. I keep wanting to feel lighter, lighter! But the ugly reality is that I'm heavier. That's what being a vegetable in recuperation can do for you. Some things get better, and some things get worse. Right now I rarely leave the house out here in the sticks, but during South by Southwest, I crossed over William Cannon so often that I thought I should call him Bill. Fortunately it was none too warm during SXSW, and I could restyle previous cool-weather outfits. But these lovely spring nights when it's so mild you can't tell if it's warm or cool, I can no longer just toss on this blouse and that sweater with that jacket. Chances will be good that whatever works for the morning will not work for the afternoon. And I have a thousand events coming up. ArtErotica is one of my all-time favorite parties – racy and ritzy. Lord knows what I'll come up with for that party. ArtErotica is Saturday, April 17, 8:30pm, at Pine Street Station, 1101 E. Fifth. ArtErotica is a fundraiser by the Octopus Club, and tickets are available at the website ( I'm considering a thong and tube top ensemble. But a thong and tube top will never do for the Umlauf Garden Party. This award-winning fundraiser is for the Umlauf Sculpture Garden & Museum ( Along with the event's dazzling selection of food and wine, there are a number of silent auction packages with a new "buy it now" feature, including packages for the man in your life and his best (male) buddy and a package of original design by Ace Tailors. Along with the famous Celebrity Seeds auction (planters designed by local and international celebs), the party features the Nash Hernandez Orchestra for your dancing and listening pleasure. I have a white linen suit somewhere in my wardrobe that I should wear with a straw fedora. The Women and Their Work spring gala, Body of Art, is sure to be faboo. It'll be at Deborah Green and Clayton Aynesworth's to-die-for mansion and will feature works from international art celebrities such as Jenny Holtzer, Richard Diebenkorn, Joan Mitchell, Andy Warhol, Spencer Finch, and dozens more. Live human sculpture and tableaux will be found in unexpected places, and all ticket info can be found at the Women and Their Work website ( This will require a very creative outfit. Hmmm. Perhaps something convertible (and no, I do not mean I'll be taking my top down). Creativity will also be in order for the Austin Museum of Art ( annual Art Ball. I mean, I'll have to be creative for this since I can't possibly wear a combination of clothes and accessories that have been seen before. And it's so hard to keep track.

SOS For some unknown reason I was online looking at emergency survival kits. They had some terrific ones with no-batteries-needed radios, flashlights, cell phone adapters, and weather radios. There were deluxe kits with an entire clinic's worth of first aid, as well as tarps, reflective blankets, and so much more. My very favorite one came in a 5-gallon bucket that was fitted with a toilet seat on top. But it was obvious that every single one of them was missing critically important items such as mirrors, perfume, makeup, music, and other fun things to do when your home has been destroyed. I remember working somewhere that I got tons of perfume tester bottles. When I was tired of many of them, I knew I still had some rare and desirable fragrances and decided the nicest thing I could do was give the boxes of bottles to the homeless shelter so that the homeless could smell pretty, too. I mean, really, just because you're down and out shouldn't mean you can't smell pretty. But I digress. What kind of emergency kit doesn't have extra lipstick and mascara? We can live without foundation if we have to, but to go out without lipstick and mascara? Well, I'd rather be dead. If I were lying there trapped under a collapsed building and had to wait three or four days for rescue, then you can bet I'd want to look my best when my saviors arrive.

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