WELCOME TO AUSTIN YOU DELICIOUS QUEERS Yeah, we know you're out there, desperate in your posh hotel suite, having drowned your loneliness in trail mix, M&Ms, and those teeny bottles of Gallo from the minibar, cruising the Craigslist personals to find some shred of human connection – your tribe in the ATX. Why, sweetheart, why? Why risk a social disease or staph infection when you can simply find your people right here at Austin's hot shit alternative newsweekly, in the Gay Place? Come learn about all the great LGBTQIness happening in our fair city. We'll be covering all three conferences, on- and off-official SXSW propertyness in this and next issue, plus in all three of the SXSW dailies. Just look for the little crown. C'mon sugarpuss, your big gay pedicab is waiting.
THERE'S A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL Yes, there is. And it is reserved for scoundrels and scumbuckets who prey on innocent swag bags at charity events. You are Hades-bound, oh you who rifled through my guest's swag bag and then totally took off with mine (including the sweet little envelope with all of the nice treats that the gorgeous Skot Tulk from aGLIFF gave me as the guest of honor at last week's Driskill Oscar Party). You are in a one-way canoe down the River Styx on a current of blood, baby. No paddle. And I hope Cerberus eats your feet. Puh-thetic.
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