After a Fashion
Your Style Avatar: A-one and a-two!
MEA CULPA Okay, week before last, I was so excited about writing about plus-sized jewelry that I forgot all about tying up my story about my search for fireplace tools. The upshot was that seven hours and 15 stores later, we still never found any (yes, we tried all the obvious places and a few that were a stretch). I'm trying to figure out how to make the tools myself – you know, hot-glue some finials on the end of a broom, shovel, and pipe; get a color-coordinated wastebasket from Target; and, voila! Fireplace tools! (Or maybe just order them online.)
THEM These Jon and Kate Gosselin people are totally mysterious to me. I've never seen their show (Jon & Kate Plus Apes, I think it's called ... or maybe it's Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Apparently they have eight children who will probably wither away and die now that their show's been canceled). Furthermore, I had never even heard of them at all until the scandal in which he dumped his wife to date professional women – you know, hostesses and bikini models and that sort of thing. Meanwhile, the simpleminded Jon is heaped with scorn for his philandering ways, and Kate has cast herself as the wronged woman. But she makes it very easy for you to forget that she still has eight children. Jon-Jon has gone from bad to worse, from one low-end girlfriend to another, accompanied by much rancor. Recently, Jon Gosselin's luxury New York apartment was sliced to ribbons by a vandal who is widely presumed to be Jon's first ex-girlfriend, who allegedly left a signed note affixed to the dresser with a rather ominously intimidating knife. The intruder destroyed Gosselin's furniture, drapes, upholstery, and wardrobe (including his tragically large collection of Ed Hardy clothes). Other damages included a 100-year-old Ming vase that had been broken. A tragedy, indeed, but let's you and I discuss this. A 100-year-old Ming vase? Meaning a Ming vase from the early 1900s? Let's do some simple arithmetic, shall we? The Ming Dynasty was over with by 1644. Jon's Ming vase is from, say, 1910. Do you think perhaps that the marking actually read Ming of Santa Monica Inc.? I'll bet he paid every bit of $17.50 for that treasure. But back to the practically widowed Kate Gosselin; she did what every fleeting reality starlet tries to do: reinvent herself. It's a smart plan. Kate turned herself over to New York hairdresser Ted Gibson (www.tedgibsonbeauty.com) for her makeover. Ted Gibson, whom we've mentioned before in this column, is from somewhere in the Belton-Temple-Killeen metroplex. But that's not what's important. What's important is that he is without question a true top celebrity hairdresser, with salons in New York and Washington ($950 for a haircut, anyone? Bueller?). At what was this package of hair treatments valued? The cut, color, extensions, and styling ran a mere $7,000. The good news is that she only has to spend that much money three or four times a year.
SCENTS AND SCENTS-IBILITY At a party last week, I was wearing the new Dolce & Gabbana fragrance called The One. I'm sure you've seen the half-naked Matthew McConaughey strolling languidly through the ads, but let me tell you from having been in the position to have my arm around him that he is someone you may not want to smell like. It doesn't really mean that The One smells like No. 2, but now you know why there's no Chanel No. 1 and Chanel No. 2. Can't you just see the ad campaign? "Chanel No. 1: Because everything else smells like No. 2."
OUT The exhibition of art by Bill Narum at the South Austin Museum of Popular Culture opened with an amazing turnout of fans and friends who loved him and his style. Don't miss it... The kickoff party for the Hill Country Ride for AIDS was Thursday; time to get involved! Saturday was the Merry Merry Martini Mixer for Equality Texas. Great work from both on behalf of all of us. Thank you, Douglas Plummer!... And the Golden Globes. We'll have to discuss that next week, but why did everyone seem so crooked (as Mandy Mercier said)? Tune in next Thursday!