After a Fashion

Zac Efron is luscious as Lucius in Richard Linklater's Me and Orson Welles. (Photo by Seabrook Jones/www.juicythis.com)

STARF*CKERS Just how difficult is it to crash a party? Ask Tareq and Michaele Salahi, who crashed the president's first State Dinner at the White House. With no credentials whatsoever, they blithely passed through the Secret Service checkpoints and into the party. The secret? Looking like you belong. If they hadn't been groomed perfectly, dressed to the nines, and decked out with the right accoutrements, they wouldn't have made it past the First Dog. But as it is? They're the talk of the free world. One wonders how they got so friendly with the likes of Joe Biden and Katie Couric, both of whom the Salahis were photographed with. But I can tell you exactly how it happens: There you are at an event. Suddenly you see Celebrity X, Y, or Z standing near you. You grab her hand, introduce yourself (since you already know who she is), and smile big just as the camera flashes. Then the celeb is on to the next group of strangers and you are not even a distant memory. Or sometimes the photographer is responsible, when all of a sudden, you're arm-in-arm with someone you've never seen before and the celeb is smiling away like you've been friends since kindergarten. But do not be fooled. The celeb will never remember you (even if you did go to kindergarten together), and even though you have a pic with the celeb, the celeb has done thousands of these shots before, and you mean nothing to her. I know, because I have hundreds of shots just like it – from both sides of the fence. Sometimes, like with Morgan Fairchild or Rue McClanahan, they barely bother to look at you while posing with you. Others, like Linda Grey, Dennis Quaid, or Debra Winger, actually take a moment to at least feel like they've gotten to know you a little bit. I've been starstruck since I was an infant and have dragged my ass to see people as irrelevant as Mary Wilson of the Supremes and Lyle Waggoner of the Carol Burnett Show. Conversely, I've been giddy while being photographed with the likes of Billy Bob Thornton or the late Cyd Charisse. I make it a point of trying to look like I belong among them. In my dreamy world of fashion as I was coming of age, I was riveted by the likes of Jackie O., Truman Capote, and Bianca Jagger done up in their furs and big sunglasses. These were the people I wanted to be like, and voila! Now I can. In fact, I pass so well that people come up to me and want to be photographed. My favorite lines are: "I know you're someone; I can tell. Who are you?" and "Oh, I see you everywhere and just love you. Can we get a photo together?" Who could mind that? As long as I've gone to the trouble to look like a celebrity, how could I mind being treated like it? But the worst thing? Asking celebrities (or me) if they remember you, when you met them for five seconds at such-and-such event while someone took your picture. Don't do that to them or yourself: One of you will wind up embarrassed, guaranteed.

OVERHEARD "I wouldn't dream of going to the gym without wearing Spanx under my workout clothes!"

EVENT-UALLY The follow-up to Turk Pipkin's Nobelity, called One Peace at a Time, has two screenings for its opening Friday, Dec. 4, at the Arbor Cinema, and two receptions at Manuel's Arboretum, so there's absolutely no reason for you not to attend. This is a very special event – a fundraiser for Mahiga Hope High School in Kenya. Details at www.nobelity.org. Organizers say bring lots of Kleenex... The new Avant San Antonio has opened to rave reviews with its edgy, warehouse feel and Avant's usual excellent services. The Avant in Austin at Fourth and Colorado has moved to Fifth Street, in the newly acclaimed Market District. Monsieur Roy Frederick's empire keeps spreading, and the fundraiser for the Miracle Foundation, supported by Avant, is Sunday, Dec. 6. See www.avantsalon.com... Dancing With the Stars Austin is also that Sunday, but you already knew that, didn't you? Should be pretty glam!... I spent part of my Thanksgiving with my family and then spent the rest of it with my "other" family, Mark Erwin and Stephen Rice. Mark and Stephen threw their annual Turkeypalooza shindig and hosted all the strays and orphans who wanted to attend. Though there was a distinct Yankee contingent, I did have fun with Tom Tinguely (owner of the Great Outdoors) and his companion, Danny Hatt. Danny works with Tom in his other endeavor, Hummingbird House (www.hummingbirdhouse.info), an event venue in Manchaca that is an unbelievable tropical paradise. Of course, once you've seen the Great Outdoors, you can imagine the splendor of Hummingbird House.