After a Fashion
Stephen has bad dreams for good reason and is not fooling anyone with that yoga thing
CAMP 101 I had a nightmare last night: I dreamed I was forced to go on a camping trip. Now, of course, in my mind, there are two kinds of camping. One involves unattractive, utilitarian clothing, bugs, and no air conditioning. But my version of camping might include watching, say, Showgirls while drinking too much and making prank phone calls (prank calls aren't nearly as much fun since the advent of caller ID). In my dream, however, camping meant spending the night in the wild with no bathrooms and the sound of unknown animals skittering around in search of food – the kind of food that I might be. In trying to assemble proper camping ensembles, I chose a Prada backpack and stretchy skinny jeans (for leaping across mountains and canyons), but I was flummoxed by the footwear issue. I know camping requires bulky, ungainly footwear, but I simply didn't own any. I kept wondering whether heels would be better than flats. Flats might work better on certain terrain, but for camping, I kept thinking that stilettos would be perfect ... but only if the stiletto were in the front of the shoe instead of the back. Imagine how you could scale the highest peaks in no time at all with the stiletto-front shoe, and having the front portion raised would make going downhill so much easier – leveling the playing field, as it were. I knew I would be expected to have a pair of pants with lots of pockets for collecting sticks and rocks (or whatever you collect when you're camping), but I just refuse to wear anything that will make my hips and legs look lumpy. It was a dream fraught with tension and fear; I was tossing and turning and sweating, crying out in my sleep, "No, I don't want squirrel for dinner!" Thank God my friend heard me from the other room and gently awakened me by screaming, "Shut up, you idiot!" in my ear. Even a rude awakening such as this was preferable to the dream-state hell that I'd been trapped in. Panting and shaking, I quickly dialed the Lake Austin Spa and scheduled a weekend getaway with massages, yoga, fine cuisine, and all the creature comforts that anyone could want. Now that's my idea of roughing it.
WAAAY HOT One of the best, most entertaining events in Austin is happening again – Zach Scott's 2008 Red, Hot & Soul, to be held at the Downtown Hilton Saturday, April 19, 6:30pm. Trish Murphy and her band Skyrocket! are playing and there will be a raffle for a Vespa, cocktails, dinner, dancing, performances by Zach's actors and dancers, and a fabulous auction. Tickets and table information can be found at www.zachscott.com.