After a Fashion
This week, Stephen dukes it out with a real queen
By Stephen MacMillan Moser, Fri., Aug. 24, 2007
OUT We received a rare invitation recently – to a party that was not a fundraiser, business-related event, or an opening. What? A party with no agenda? Who should we bring with us? How were we supposed to behave? And most importantly, what were we supposed to wear? It was attorney Mark Mueller's music-laden annual bash, featuring the Lemurs, Castaneda, and Young Heart Attack – definitely a scaled-down version of Mueller's previous extravagant parties but proving that the decor and props weren't entirely necessary to have a great party. Mueller also has launched Voodoo Cowboy Entertainment (www.voodoocowboy.com), a management company for artists and athletes that promotes local investments and infrastructure in the Texas entertainment community, with a commitment to the environment and promoting green filmmaking, a creative culture, and the overall outlaw spirit that embodies the people and ideas of Texas. Sounds good to us.
TAKE THAT, MICHAEL VICK Accused animal abuser and NFL quarterback Michael Vick doesn't seem to have many fans these days. Now that he's been ratted out by his three co-defendants, perhaps the "rape stand" that Vick allegedly employed to breed his dogs will have a new meaning for him if he is convicted and sent to prison. Fittingly, on the local front, Sharon Yancey of the Spay Austin Coalition has put out T-shirts and other merchandise with a great design touting "Dog Fighting Is for Pussies." Click the Animal link at www.zazzle.com/syancey to order yours.
DATING DATA While surfing the Internet, we came across a funny vocabulary guide to personals ads, revealing the real meaning behind certain words.
"Free spirit" = unemployable
"Vivacious" = drunk (female)
"A character" = drunk (male)
"Utterly carefree" = senile
"Fun-loving" = drinks more than works
"Down to earth" = born working class
To that list, we'll add a few of our own, culled from The Austin Chronicle's personals section:
"Spontaneous" = unstable
"Romantic" = horny
"Laid-back" = stoned
"Lonely" = unattractive
"Contented" = underachiever
"Eager" = desperate
"Homebody" = lazy
"Casual" = owns no long pants
ROYAL JELLY Working out in the back yard of sister Margaret's home, we tried to avoid the holes in the ground that her dogs keep digging; we're at that age where we might break a hip or something, you know. While planting some flowers, we were concerned about the bees that seemed to be out in force, buzzing around our head, and were surprised to see the bees hover near the ground and then disappear into these little holes in the ground. So that's why the dogs kept digging. We put some insecticide into a few of the holes and watched as the bees staggered out of their holes and fell over dead. That night we dreamed that we were back in the yard again and that the earth below us began to collapse, and we fell into an enormous cavern underground, dripping with honey and filled with millions of bees, all poised to sting us to death. In a corner of the cavern, lolling on her throne, was the queen bee, crown askew, smoking a cigarette, and drinking a martini. Concerned that all the dirt and honey would ruin our Versace gardening ensemble, we begged for our life. The queen (no, not us, silly) inhaled deeply, expelling smoke in our face, and said, "You killed some of my workers. For that you must die." She turned to her hoards of workers and shrieked, "Seize him!" As the swarm flew toward us, we screamed and woke up in a sweat, our arms flailing in the air. Disoriented, we shook the bed linens furiously trying to make the imaginary bees leave us alone. Unable to get back to sleep, we did the only thing we could do to relax: Watch the DVD of Joan Crawford's Queen Bee.
CHEERY THOUGHT According to www.deathclock.com, Your Style Avatar will die on Saturday, Dec. 30, 2023. Damn. That means we only have 16 more years to torment the hopelessly fashion-challenged.and more
