After a Fashion
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By Stephen MacMillan Moser, Fri., Jan. 5, 2007
TOP 10 REASONS NOT TO MOVE TO AUSTIN
1) We have bats. Millions of horrid little winged creatures that smell.
2) We all wear shorts and cowboy hats all the time.
3) We're in Texas, a hideous red state full of backward rednecks who kill freethinkers.
4) It's hot. All the time.
5) Traffic. We still ride burros, and our roads are not equipped for motor vehicles.
6) George W. Bush lived here.
7) We're still a small town with no buildings taller than 33 stories.
8) The Christmas decorations on Congress Avenue are hideous.
9) There are not nearly enough big-box stores to fill the overwhelming demand.
10) There are not nearly enough marathons and 10Ks that shut down our streets.
STEPHEN'S TOP 10 FAVORITE RESTAURANTS IN AUSTIN
1) Maudie's on South Lamar
2) Hoover's on Manor Road
3) Ruby's BBQ
4) Lamberts
5) Taverna
6) Capitol Brasserie
7) Home Slice
8) Eastside Cafe
9) Progress Coffee
10) Tony's Southern Comfort
THESE ARE A FEW OF OUR FAVORITE THINGS
1) The GuitarTown Project
2) 2nd Street District
3) SoCo
4) Symphony Square
5) Broken Spoke
6) Antone's
7) The Blanton
8) Eastside represent!
9) Standing on the star and clapping under the dome
10) People-watching in every part of the city
TEN PEOPLE AMERICA SHOULD JUST LET GO
1) Jessica Simpson
2) O.J. Simpson (no relation)
3) Fed-Ex (and we don't mean the shipping company)
4) Ted Haggard
5) Mark Foley
6) Mel Gibson
7) Tom Cruise
8) Tom DeLay
9) Rosie O'Donnell
10) The triumvirate known as Britney, Paris, Lindsay
(Note to readers: my editor made me remove David Hasselhoff)
NO. 1 CELEBRITY TREND THAT MUST BE STOPPED
First it was dogs. Then it was babies. Now it's beaver. No less than three times in 2006, America was forced to endure the sight of the groomed, pampered, and camera-ready private parts of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan as they each "accidentally" flashed the world. Outbreaks of temporary blindness are threatening the free world. While we're on the subject, one more shirtless picture of Matthew McConaughey and the blindness will be permanent.
TOP TWO PEOPLE WE'LL MISS
Clifford Antone
Ann Richards
