Luv Doc Recommends: Merry F***king Xmas

ColdTowne Theater, Friday, December 15, 2006

Luv Doc Recommends: Merry F***king Xmas

How can Christmas get you laid? Good question. A holiday predicated on immaculate conception doesn’t exactly scream crazy monkey sex. Sure, there are elves, assorted jingly livestock, sprigs of mistletoe and hot toddies throughout the season, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to end up in a Motel 6 with a grease gun full of K-Y and a combination of any of the preceding. You have to work for that kind of scenario. A lot of people like to rev up their mack at the office Christmas party. Why not? Getting drunk with co-workers is always a win-win situation right up to the morning after. And, as the song says, there has to be one, so you might as well do something that will earn you at least a year’s worth of hushed murmurs as you walk by the water cooler. If there is one occasion where it’s nearly appropriate to unleash a drunken, maudlin soliloquy about your undying love for the hot blonde in personnel, the OCP is it. Or, maybe it’s time you let that stud in accounting know that loose lips may sink ships, but they perform some other pretty amazing feats as well. Don’t hold back, nearly all questionable behavior is forgivable when you’re drinking on the company dime, so if you get caught in the supply closet dry-humping the boss’ wife, make sure to mention right up front that you are cursed with an alcohol dependency disability that is covered by your group health policy. Remember: The first step is admitting that you have a problem. The second step should be quick and to the right – to avoid your boss’ wildly thrown right-cross haymaker. In the workplace it’s always best to have a strategy for success, especially when you’re drinking. Nonetheless, if you’re one of those overly cautious types who doesn’t like to shit where you eat, other opportunities abound. For instance, this Friday at the Coldtowne Theater, Jerm Pollet of the Sinus Show is hosting Merry F***king Xmas, a screening of Christmas-themed porn films with analysis and commentary by Jerm himself. Think of it this way, if you can’t get laid this Christmas, at least you can watch. If you want to get drunk however, you’ll need to BYO toddie.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

More Luv Doc Recommends
Luv Doc Recommends: NYE 1977
Luv Doc Recommends: NYE 1977
Spider House Ballroom, Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Luv Doc, Dec. 30, 2011

Luv Doc Recommends: Africa Night With Zoumountchi
Luv Doc Recommends: Africa Night With Zoumountchi
Sahara Lounge, Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Luv Doc, Dec. 23, 2011

One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle