The Austin Chronicle

Luv Doc Recommends: 2nd Annual Batfest

Congress Avenue Bridge, Saturday, September 2, 2006

By The Luv Doc, September 1, 2006, Columns

If you’re one of those people who wake up in the morning and piss burnt orange, this is your weekend. If you’re a Texas football fan, you already know that Saturday the Texas Longhorn football team starts another run for the national championship. If you’re not a Texas football fan and you’re still pissing burnt orange when you wake up, you may want to see a urologist or at the very least back off the multivitamins before bedtime. There is such a thing as too much beta-carotene. If you’re an Aggie fan and you want to piss maroon, you’re going to want to load up on beets – a lot of beets. It may seem ignorant to gorge yourself on beets just to turn your pee maroon, but when in Rome, right? Other than beets, pretty much any other scenario for turning your pee maroon is bad news. Seriously. You could ask your corps buddies to kick you in the kidneys until your urine turns a luscious crimson, but that seems a little bit dimwitted even for Aggieland. Besides, there are plenty of non-urological ways to show your school spirit. Say you’re in the restroom next to a North Texas fan and you’re squirting a high, tight, burnt orange arc onto the deodorizer biscuit (even more impressive if you’re a chick) … wouldn’t it be cool if right at that moment your cell phone popped off with a Texas Fight ringtone? In your face Eagles! Hey, it beats trying to kidnap their mascot. You don’t want any part of an eagle. Kidnap Reveille, but leave the Eagle alone. If the folks at Bat Conservation International have their way, Texas’ mascot may change from the bucolic Longhorn to the Mexican Freetail bat. Wouldn’t that be a cool logo on the side of the helmet? Being the Texas Mexican Freetails wouldn’t hurt the school’s party image either. Mexican Freetails are all about partying. For instance, this Saturday after the big game, BCI is hosting its second annual Batfest on the Congress Avenue Bridge, a celebration of arts and bats. Nearly 20 bands, 125 arts-and-crafts vendors, and around 2 million bats will be on hand to raise money for BCI. There will also be carnival rides, pony rides, a “Batini” contest, and a bat wing eating contest. You might want to pop an umbrella for the emergence. Bats gotta pee too.

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