After a Fashion

Stephen disavows any career advice to K-Fed

Kathy Womack displays a painting she created especially for Umlauf's annual auction.
Kathy Womack displays a painting she created especially for Umlauf's annual auction. (Photo By Joanne Flynn)

SHOP WHORE The fabulous Silk Road (3910 N. Lamar, 302-0844, www.srfabrics.com) is one of the best shops I've been in recently. Though marked up to top dollar, the fabrics that owner Karen Martin stocks are unavailable anywhere else in Austin, and the unusual selection of buttons is a real treat… Also, Jerry's Artarama (6010 N. I-35, 420-9359, www.jerrysartarama.com/austintexas) has 14 locations (including Ningbo, China!), and we are lucky to have one here in Austin. Great prices on an excellent assortment of supplies for all art applications.

SPAY BRITNEY With the disturbing announcement that Britney Spears is pregnant again, I think the new rallying cry for the nation should be "Spay Britney!" After being caught driving with her first baby in her lap, and then rumors of him being dropped on his head by the nanny, there were the whispered allegations that the baby had already fallen out of Britney's bed, not once, but twice. I've always felt that parents should be licensed before being allowed to have children, and this is a perfect example of why. Presumably the sperm donor is Britney's repulsive white-trash husband, K-Fed, who seems intent on spreading his fertile baby-batter around the globe. He should be neutered. She should be spayed. K-Fed recently stated in so many words that the public has demanded that he become a hip-hop artist. Hold on just a goddamn minute, Mr. Spears – you can't blame us for that. You misheard us: We said your alleged career was in the crapper – not that you should become a rapper!

ALLEYCATTING I took my mom with me to the annual Umlauf Sculpture Garden Party. It's everything a garden party should be: fabulous food from places like Ranch 616, Maudie's, Capitol Brasserie, and Moonshine; music by the Nash Hernandez Orchestra; a terrific auction; and a setting so dreamy you just want to stay there forever. I bonded hard with noted artist Kathy Womack, who had donated a painting she created especially for the party, and had a wonderful time with my good friends Eric and Maria Groten… The grand opening of UT's Blanton Museum is something all Austin should be proud of. What an amazing space the Blanton is, with endless galleries and an array of work that is staggering. The party was jam-packed; I knew dozens of people there, but the place is so cavernous, I only saw a few. What I did see was plenty of tanorexic glamazons sporting the Four B's – Botox, boobs, baubles and blonde hair. My favorite outfit there was the custom-designed gown I made for arts columnist Paula Kothmann of the Downtown Planet – a red silk charmeuse column dress with a floating panel of hand-painted silk chiffon by my studio partners Channe Felton and Daniel Knorra attached at the shoulders. As I walked a few steps behind her, I was gratified to hear the remarks being made… Afterwards, on the complete flip side, my date Rita Garza and I went to the Cream dance party at Karma (www.karmaaustin.com) and judged a drag fashion show. Karma (Eighth & Colorado) is the coolest nightclub that you've never heard of; they fly under the radar and are primarily known for their after-hours parties, but with the red light, acrylic, and stainless-steel interiors, the place is as cool as it gets.

AGENDA Thu.-Sat., May 4-6 brings Austin the annual Dennis Quaid Charity Weekend, featuring, among other events, the glamorous Lights, Camera, Fashion 4 show at the Austin Music Hall on Fri., May 5, 8pm. Starring contestants from America's Next Top Model and fab fashions from Estilo, show producers Gary and Laurie Spellman from Ultimate Salon Services say this show will be unlike any other. The show will be followed by the Dennis Quaid & the Sharks Benefit Concert. For tickets and info on all the events, see www.quaidcharityweekend.com… Fri., May 5, at Elysium, 9pm, the organizers of the eighth International Drag King Community Extravaganza are presenting a "fashion" show called Trashy: The Spring Edition. Go to www.elysiumonline.net for details… Sun., May 7, 7-9pm at Top Drawer Thrift, 4902 Burnet, Project Transitions presents its Top Drawer Couture fashion show. Featuring treasures from its current stock, as well as "couture" designs created for the event by volunteers, the event is hosted by my never-garrulous editor Kate X Messer and Your Style Avatar. For tickets and other info, go to www.projecttransitions.org/couture.shtml… Sat., May 20, 7:30-10pm, is Arthouse's "Best of Austin"-award-winning event, the fabulous annual 5x7 Art Splurge and Exhibition. It's one of my favorite annual events; go to www.arthousetexas.org for more info.

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS STORY

Silk Road, Jerry's Artarama, Britney Spears, Spay Britney, Britney, K-Fed, crapper, rapper, Umlauf Sculpture Garden Party, Nash Hernandez Orchestra, Kathy Womack, UT, Blanton Museum, Blanton, tanorexic glamazons, Paula Kothmann, Karma, Dennis Quaid Charity Weekend, Lights, Camera

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