Luv Doc Recommends: Texas Freedom Network's 10 Years for Texas Gala

Palmer Events Center, Saturday, October 1, 2005

Democracy is a bit of a sticky wicket. On the one hand you have the fundamental philosophical precept that all men are created equal, and on the other you have the mountains of empirical data that argue exactly the opposite. In fact, the idea that all men are created equal is a completely asinine assumption, the kind of hair-brained, head-in-the-sand lunacy that only a bunch of well-heeled 18th-century white landowners would dream up on a drunken bender. In the real world you have a physiological gamut that runs from Yao Ming to Billy Bartee, George Clooney to Carrot Top, Andy Dick to the Rock, and other mind-blowing contrasts that provide nearly conclusive proof that if there is a God, She likes it freaky. No, more likely what the white wigs were getting at was the idea that, for the most part, the Creator doesn't play favorites – well, except for Jesus, but you have to admit he was pretty hot, especially in the Italian renderings. Ironically, it was Jesus himself who originally coughed up that heavenly pearl of wisdom about God loving everyone equally, about all humanity being God's children. Maybe Jesus just didn't want everyone else getting all jealous. The pisser is that the equality thing works out best in the abstract. For instance: We can assume that Jesus loves Carrot Top. The rest of us need a system of laws to keep from choking the shit out of him. It's exactly this type of enlightened tolerance that is the hallmark of any advanced civilization. We need ideals to keep us in line, and when ideals fail, we need laws – laws and big, tough, heavily armed law enforcement officials to enforce them. It only follows that one of the most important jobs in society is the making of laws. Ideally, you'd like to think that smart people are making your laws: erudite, worldly, eloquent types with advanced degrees. As ever, reality falls well short of the mark, especially here in Texas where government is a veritable font of stupidity. We produce so much of it we're actually exporting it: First to Washington and then to places already teeming with it like Iraq and Afghanistan. In Texas, the main criterion for those seeking public office isn't a huge intellect but a huge ego. Thus, you get fundamentalist meatheads like Warren Chisum, R-Pampa, and Robert Talton, R-Pasadena, sponsoring constitutional amendments seeking to outlaw same-sex marriage. It is within the realm of possibility that Pampa, Texas, is about to be overrun with gays, but no self-respecting gay person would dare step foot in Pasadena without a full-body biohazard suit, which, at the very least, makes the corruption of impressionable youth a serious challenge. Yet, Dumb and Dumber want their constituents to think they're doing the work of the Lord, and there you go. It's just this type of unrestrained stupidity that gives democracy a bad name, and the only way to fight it is with intelligence and tolerance. Fortunately in Austin we have the Texas Freedom Network, an organization devoted to countering legislation by fundamentalist extremists. This weekend they'll be celebrating their 10th year of fighting the good fight with a special 10 Years for Texas Gala Saturday, Oct. 1, at the Palmer Events Center. The event will be hosted by Jaston Williams of Greater Tuna fame and features musical performances by Ruthie Foster and Latin dance sensations Grupo Fantasma. There will also be a cash bar and huge silent auction. Bring lots of money because the proceeds will help the TFN put a cap on Texas' font of stupidity.

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