After a Fashion

Some of the many fun accessories available at Strut (2200 S. Lamar) (Photo By Todd V. Wolfson)

STAR TRASH The nouveau riche Missy Elliott doesnt see any guy for very long, but she does, according to reports, have one constant companion a man who follows her to parties carrying a locked box. It is said that when a fellow partier got up the nerve to ask the man what was in the box, the one-word response was Bling! It seems that Mlle. Elliott likes to have all her jewelry close by in case she must change it on a moments notice. I know how she feels. Hey, a lockbox is not enough for me. Im thinking more along the lines of a deluxe trailer that can not only carry my jewelry but also provide me with a private haven in case Im overcome while out in public: sort of like those trailers provided for the stars at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas recently. When Seventies icon Diana Ross was shown to hers, she is reported to have started screaming, Ms. Ross will not be in a trailer! It is said that she threw such a fit, constantly referring to herself in the third person, that the show coordinators quickly fixed a dressing room for her inside the venue. Britney Spears evidently didnt like hers either, and it is reported that she solved the problem by taking over Gwen Stefanis trailer and refusing to come out. There has been no word on what became of Mrs. Stefani perhaps she decided to put on one of her ridiculous little sailor suits in the bathroom, or perhaps she decided to quit performing altogether. Okay, so maybe thats just wishful thinking.

HAIR RAZING Im always concerned when I meet someone who looks like trash and then they tell me, Im a hairdresser. My eyes immediately begin examining their hair. If their hair is beautiful, then I consider going to them. But if their own hair is not pretty, well, isnt that a serious problem? Honestly, who wants to go to a hairdresser whose own hair is badly colored, damaged, and unkempt? Is that really where you want to invest money? Worse yet, what if your hair comes out like theirs? I really like to let hairdressers do whatever they want with my hair, but only after I trust them implicitly enough to know that theyre not going to shave the sides and style it into two horns in the front. Ive learned from experience that being too trusting with a new hairdresser can be devastating. Once, I even went to one of those chain hair cutteries you know, one that sounds like a football playoff. This was a big mistake! Huge! I should have left when I smelled alcohol on the guys breath. I told him I wanted a very long flattop that I could gel into standing up. He shoved this thing that resembled a really huge comb into my hair, yanked it up and cut the hair off at the top with clippers. He began yanking me around by the hair so much and throwing so much attitude that I ripped off the plastic cape, stood up, and screamed, Wait a goddamn minute here, you drunken creep! I am not paying you to treat me like dirt! I marched to the front desk demanding to see the manager. It got really ugly there for a few minutes. The hairdresser was crying drunkenly; the manager was desperately afraid Id go over her head with my complaints making her look bad. She pointed to the product wall. Take one of each, she said, come back tomorrow, and Ill tell you what ... I wont charge you for the work that hes already done. I was speechless and quickly loaded up two full bags of hair products and flounced out, saying, Ill be seeing you ... on Judge Judy! I went home and shaved my head with my own clippers, vowing to never enter a salon again. Of course, then I had to wait a very long time before those hair products were any use to me.

GIFT HEAVEN Shopping the 2200 block of South Lamar a burgeoning shopping district adds another facet to Austins sparkling array of shopping experiences. Now, that doesnt always have to imply expensive. On the contrary, stores like Strut, Acajou, Jezebel, and Upstairs are very reasonably priced (some of it is downright dirt-cheap). They offer everything from menswear (Upstairs is one of the coolest mens store in town), to womens clothes (Jezebel), and accessories (Struts bags and shoes for women are astoundingly inexpensive) to gorgeous antiques at Acajou. What a fresh alternative, and right down the block from there is the smart little enclave with Swerve Coffee Shop, the Electra Beauty Lounge, Olive, and Baubles & Beads. Up in the 2000 block is SoLa, Eliza Page, and the 2040 Art Gallery, plus the truly fabulous Amelia's RetroVogue. Pull in next time and take a good look at these hardworking local retailers.