After a Fashion

What do you get when you skewer a Spears? And why has it taken Austin so long to get a Gay Pride parade???

NOTES ON BRITNEY First, ol' Brit and Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync are the hottest item on the planet. Then they're kaput -- and Britney suffers publicly while Justin parties privately. Now, the two former Mouseketeers have again found themselves in each other's arms, and personally, I now have a reason to live each morning. While the shine on our Pop-Tart Princess Britney Spears may be bright as a star right now, she's definitely not the brightest bulb in the marquee. Recently, when Timberlake was asked the ludicrous question of whether his band identified more with the Beatles or with the Rolling Stones. Timberlake emphatically said, "the Beatles," and the interviewer asked, "Does this mean Britney is Yoko Ono?" Spears piped in, "Who?" Said the interviewer, "You're probably more Linda McCartney." Replied the clueless luminary, "I'm sorry. I'm very young." Get this girl an education ... from the school of hard rocks.

And you know you can't be a teen sensation without your eponymous clothing line. "I have thought about that," Spears said in a recent interview. "That would probably be something I do when I take a little break; because I love clothes, I would really be able to put all my time and energy into it." Continued the world-weary 20-year-old, "Maybe when I become not passionate about what I do, and when my steam is going down, then I will definitely just take a year off maybe go to school, or maybe, I don't know ... open up a clothing store or something," she said. "But right now, it's like ... I don't know! I love doing what I do so much!" It shouldn't really take up that much of her time: She just doesn't wear all that much! Though she does seem to desire a certain kind of education. Her much-ballyhooed claim of virginity is always under suspicion. Her attempt to introduce safe sex in her new movie Crossroads was cut out of the finished film. She-who-claims-to-have-not-had-sex plays a character who has, so, as co-screenwriter, Britney made sure her character was responsible. "There was a scene where I took a box of condoms out but they took that scene out because the movie was too long." Way, waaay too long, I'd say. Though she began life on the Mickey Mouse Club (along with Justin), the I'm-saving-it-for-marriage advocate was recently spotted at the Borders bookstore in West Hollywood buying a copy of Kim Cattrall's sex manual Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm. She became friends with Miss Cattrall on the set of Crossroads (Cattrall plays Brit's estranged mom, and who can blame her ...), which caused rumors of an appearance for Britney on Sex and the City -- an idea which seems to have been nixed by diva Sarah Jessica Parker herself. Perhaps feeling the pinch of a 20-year-old appearing next to her 36-year-old self, Parker put the kibosh on the appearance, reportedly saying, "I worked too damned hard to get this show to where it is today, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be upstaged by a Mousketeer." Besides, there's only one place for a virgin on Sex and the City: in bed. But none of that will matter since she has more movie plans for in her future.

And, of course, if Britney's this deeply talented, then surely it runs in the family. It has now been announced, in a Kieran Culkin-ish turn of events, that Britney's 11-year-old sister Jamie Lynn is being groomed for stardom. It is undisclosed as to what her particular talent is, but talent may not be the focal point. In about 20 years, I'll be looking forward to reading Jamie Lynn's did-it-all and told-all shocker-bio in which she enumerates the rise and fall of her multiple failures to live up to her sister's, uh, pristine image. I recommend that Jamie Lynn just go open up a clothing store ... or something.

Oh, and while we're on the "spearing" Britney tip, Friday, May 31, is your last chance to check out Mr. Sinus Theater 3000's hilarious skewering of the dippy diva's filmic debut, Crossroads, at the Alamo Drafthouse at 7 and 9:45pm.

FABULOUS, DARLING! Austin is joining the big-league gay meccas by hosting its own First Annual Gay Pride Parade. Produced by the Austin Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, the parade is June 1, 8pm-ish (or whenever everyone's outfits are ready), and begins at the TxDOT parking lot on East Riverside, going over the Congress bridge, down Fourth Street to Guadalupe, where it ends at Republic Square Park. For more information parade chairman Chad Ballard may be contacted via the AGLCC at, at [email protected], or call 453-5655. The parade falls in the middle of Gay Pride Weekend 2002 (Saturday-Sunday, June 1-2), to coincide with the esteemed annual event at Fiesta Gardens hosted by our own Lesbian Gay Rights Lobby of Texas and featuring entertainment, art & crafts, community booths, and lots of food and drink. The annual fiesta attracts hoards of revelers from all over. Headliners for the festival's music section are local singer-songwriters Patrice Pike and Sara Hickman.

THE RETAIL BEAT The lovely Minnie Driver stopped by for a cool beverage at Flipnotics on the afternoon of May 18... First Thursday on the chic SoCo strip is coming right up (next Thursday, June 6) -- no word yet on specific events. But as the season heats up, so does the strip, so look for lots of fun and games from local retailers... Former business executive Robin Campbell is opening Cupidz Clozet, a boutique offering both vintage and contemporary fashions, accessories, gifts, and home décor. The store is located in West Lake Hills at 3663 Bee Caves Rd., Ste. 4-C, and all of the net profits, including the owner's time, will be donated to supporting local charities. In addition, Campbell has also donated all initial operating expenses and inventory.

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