After a Fashion

JINGLE ALL THE WAY It was sort of like Mrs. Astor's 400. Twenty people gave a party and each invited 20 people. Voilà! 400 guests ... and Austin's Jingle Ball. An annual event since 1994, the ball was dreamed up by a handful of people who felt that there was something missing from the social scene here -- a stylish event designed for the simple excuse to dress up, have fun, and frolic. The clothes were wonderful -- men dressed in everything from basic black-tie to velvet frock coats to an ankle-length Armani tux. The women outdid themselves, donning everything from glorious vintage gowns and capes, to dazzling designer creations. And the shoes? Omigod, enough to give a fetishist a heart attack: Manolos, Ferragamos, Moschinos, Saint Laurents, Pradas ... skyscraper heels bedecked with ribbons and bows and beads. There was some gorgeous hair there, too: large contingents done at Avant, Innu, and Pink. The guest list was glittering, and with big band music and couples tripping the light fantastic on the dance floor, it was high-style glamour that never let you forget for one minute that you were in Austin.

GOLDEN GLAMOUR There was nary a hideous dress in sight at the Golden Globes -- unless of course, you count the red Valentino that looked lovely in the magazines, but was a catastrophe on Sela Ward. Sela's a classy dame: beautiful and accomplished, but the dress was more suitable for a Palm Beach prom ... waaay too much ruching and bows. And what was with her hair? Sela goes to all that trouble to pick out her ill-advised dress, and then shows up with daytime hair! Doesn't she know the difference? But then, if we're going to talk about dreadful hair, we have to talk about Sarah Jessica Parker. Excuse me, Jessica, do you not own a full-length mirror? From head to toe, the look was a disaster: the choppy little bob she was sporting with the big Chanel flower behind the ear was only the beginning of her mistakes. The empire-waisted black taffeta Chanel dress with the unfortunate sash hanging down the front made everyone gasp, "Is she pregnant?" But, surely not ... when she appeared onstage, it was clear that the look she was going for was a little girl who had been imprisoned in mommy's closet until showtime: the dress was split up the front to reveal sequined pants underneath, à la Lucy. Saints preserve us! And protect these babes from their stylists. S.J.P.'s bad hair was just the beginning of a parade of bad hair. So many of these lovelies either dropped the ball entirely and wore the same hair they wore to work out at the gym that afternoon, or, worse, looked like they did their hair themselves. (DHOH!: "Did Her Own Hair!-- was a favorite appellation of the evening.) The glorious Nicole Kidman was among them; obviously gypsies had kidnapped her hairdresser, and there was obviously not a single stylist left in America who could help her. But her acceptance speech was charming and sweet, almost enough to forgive her. Kate Winslet obviously DHOH, as did Cameron Diaz, who must have been trying out new hot rollers ... and that red-and-blue striped disco dress was absolutely horrible. Other bad hair would include Heather Locklear's Farrah-hair: it was just too Dukes of Hazzard. Then there's Jennifer Aniston. I read recently where Jennifer's handlers will not let any photo be released unless Jennifer's smirking in it. You know what Jennifer? Enough with the smirk. It's repulsive, and the only thing it really says about you is that you're smirking at the world because a mediocre, no-talent babe like you became a big star. A couple of my very favorite stars also sported unflattering looks. I adore Sissy Spacek, and was thrilled that she won for In The Bedroom, but, please ... wearing a men's tux by Armani should have been chic, but it wasn't (though it was marginally better than the raincoat she wore to pick up her Texas Film Hall of Fame Award here in Austin last year). And, of course, there's Judy Davis. Judy is a magnificent actress. Her star turn as Judy Garland in the miniseries was absolutely worthy of an award. But her outfit and hair looked like she came right from the set to accept her award. The hair was ... well, in the words of my sister, Margaret, she looked like Moe Howard from the Three Stooges. Judy, call me next year; I'll be happy to help you put together a suitable look. Who did I like, you may ask? Juliana Marguilies looked spectacular, so did Reese Witherspoon, Debra Messing, Annette Bening, Andie MacDowell, Halle Berry, and Cate Blanchett. Not a bad night, all in all.