After a Fashion

Since the SXSW dissipation, your Style Avatar looks to the International Scene for his dirt …

THE FASHION HARPY Fashionistas were shocked when Welsh knitwear designer Julien MacDonald was named as bad-boy Alexander McQueen's replacement at Givenchy -- unfortunately, Olivier Theyskins was reportedly dropped for asking for too much money… Scandalous new dirt from HintMag.com, who goes to town on Naomi Campbell, as usual; her delusional grandiosity has made her a sitting duck. Rumored to be battling drug addiction and alcoholism, the "snitty supermodel," which is how Hint refers to her, was recently photographed leaving a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, and is now showing off her new spring suit: the one against the newspaper that photographed her. Why is she bothering to keep her problems so private? It would be much easier to blame her demons for all her bad behavior. The online mag reports that Naomi will "take her privates on parade" in the London version of the "gynecological gabfest," The Vagina Monologues. The show is also slated to star Jerry Hall, who recently doffed her clothes as Mrs. Robinson in the London stage version of The Graduate, and was "the biggest bomb to hit London since the Luftwaffe." The bitchiest, meanest, and best source of gossip on the Internet, HintMag.com closes the story by saying, "Campbell is perfect to bring a fashion and fragrance angle to the show, whose set-pieces include monologues titled 'If Your Vagina Could Get Dressed, What Would it Wear?' and 'What Does Your Vagina Smell Like?' But perhaps the two that most suit the divine Miss C. are the monologues 'My Angry Vagina' and 'Reclaiming Cunt'. Reclaim? She practically has it trademarked."… Speaking of Naomi, her mother, Valerie, is now a fashion designer. Perhaps she could call her collection "Late Bloomers?"… Jennifer Lopez has announced that she, too, will be designing a collection of clothes; surely they'll be inexpensive, since they won't require very much fabric. But, Jennifer will face tough competition from Li'l Kim, who has also announced that she will be designing a collection. Do you think her designs will be large enough to conceal a gun? What is with all these babes who think that, just because they have a team of stylists to dress them, that they have what it takes to be a designer?… Reports on the Internet say that Survivordorm.net is basing a "reality" (please!) series on the lives of five "high fashion models," in which their shared house will be wired with cameras covering their every move. HintMag.com says, "We predict the 24-hour binge-'n-purge cam in the bathroom ought to be a hit."… As if we were surprised, a recent issue of Talk magazine reports Calvin Klein as saying that he has nothing to do with the designs of the jeans that bear his name. Chances are that he sees the new Calvin Klein collections at the same time we do. Will he really move his entire operation over to Italy? Reports say that it's a very strong possibility, since, as New York magazine says, most of the staff that does design the Calvin Klein collections, including the latest one, have mysteriously been given pink slips. And we don't mean colored lingerie!… On April 5, Sotheby's will auction off items from the Miami home that Gianni Versace was murdered in front of… And style maven Elsa Klensch has resigned from CNN after 21 years, and is shopping for a new network.

LIVING DOLLS Just finished reading the advance copy of Jacqueline Susann's Shadow of the Dolls, a "sequel" to Susann's Valley of the Dolls, reportedly based on works left behind after Susann died. In the tradition of the reprehensible Scarlett (the Gone With the Wind "sequel" also written by someone else way after the original author had died), author Rae Lawrence should have had a good time with this, but obviously didn't. In many ways, she does capture Susann's crude style, but, after 35 years, revelations about sex and drugs fail to incite the same shocked responses. We still get the raunchy Neely O'Hara and the prim Anne Welles, in addition to the incredibly dreary Lyon Burke, pretty much like Susann originally defined them, but following their career ups-and-downs through the Eighties, Nineties, and into the year 2001 takes its toll, especially the way the author has monkeyed with the timeline. At the end of the book, which takes place in 2001, it says that Anne Welles is 48 years old -- that means that she would have been about 12 when she moved to New York alone and become a top model. Hmmm. Undoubtedly, curiosity will account for the bulk of the initial sales, and then I imagine it will disappear, just like the author made Helen Lawson do.

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KEYWORDS FOR THIS STORY

Julien MacDonald, Alexander McQueen, Givenchy, Olivier Theyskins, HintMag.com, Naomi Campbell, Narcotics Anonymous, The Vagina Monologues, Jerry Hall, The Graduate, Luftwaffe, Valerie Campbell, Jennifer Lopez, Li'l Kim, Jacqueline Susann, Shadow of the Dolls, Valley of t

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