163 Questions
Honorable mention, the 13th Annual 'Austin Chronicle' Short Story Contest
By Rebecca Beegle, Fri., Feb. 18, 2005
1. I have never worked retail. T F
2. I enjoy incest, but not with any members of my own family.T F
3. I have never really sneezed. T F
4. When I was fourteen my father said to me, "No way are you leaving the house dressed like that." T F
5. The dusk makes me feel like I've missed something. T F
6. Sweet potatoes are, I feel, the wrong color. T F
7. Mostly I'm happy about not being circumcised. T F
8. My favorite thing these days is getting mail from you. T F
9. I've always wanted to have a menage a trois with two brothers. T F
10. I am from Texas. T F
11. It's so stupid to say everything tastes like chicken. T F
12. Kissing is more intimate than intercourse. T F
13. One word to describe me might be, inappropriate. T F
14. I'm pretty sure I'm ten times filthier, sexually speaking, than your average woman. T F
15. I've always looked foward to being 37. T F
16. I have sat too close to a stranger on the L train, and enjoyed it in a way that made me joyously uncomfortable. T F
17. There is nothing worse than rape, unless it's circus animals. T F
18. I've had meaningful crushes on every one of my college professors. T F
19. I have had sex when I didn't really want to. T F
20. I don't really care about my birthday, unless you forget it. T F
21. Some people just don't get it. T F
22. I've never waited in line for anything. T F
23. Oral sex is something you do with prostitutes or women you are only pretending to like so you can get oral sex. T F
24. What I do affects people. T F
25. Sometimes I worry the food I'm eating may have been poisoned. T F
26. Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka is very, very sexy. T F
27. I hate who I was two years ago. T F
28. If I'm flirting with you, you'll definitely know it. T F
29. Some people appear beautiful, and then they speak. T F
30. It's important to pay attention, especially in bed. T F
31. Making a lot of money is kind of gross. T F
32. I have to admit, guns interest me. T F
33. Causing extreme pleasure is my main purpose in life. T F
34. When I'm alone and I trip and fall in front of strangers, I laugh out loud to show them I'm okay with it. T F
35. I plan to choose my family. T F
36. I've never been saddled with the nickname "Barnyard Becky." T F
37. Sometimes, everything tastes like oranges. T F
38. I no longer think the personal is political. T F
39. Masturbatorially, I'm a lesbian. T F
40. I'm not ashamed to like bad music. T F
41. When I was pregnant, all I wanted was plums. T F
42. I remember the time I got my hair cut real short and Tony looked at me and said, "Why would you want to show that much of your face?" T F
43. I can't explain it, but my cat always smells like cinnamon. T F
44. Feet are sexy. T F
45. Confidence means so much more than god-given good looks. T F
46. If a beautiful woman sends you a compass, by all means keep away from her. T F
47. I'm beginning to really care for your girlfriend. T F
48. I don't own any books. T F
49. In a strip club, if anyone it's the men who humiliate themselves. T F
50. I have female performance anxiety. T F
51. In addition to being sexy, she has grace, which I don't have and never will. T F
52. Paying bills on time is something that matters a lot to me. T F
53. I have masturbated in the presence of house pets. T F
54. My cat hates it when I sing. T F
55. I don't think people should be able to say the word sausage. T F
56. If people like me, it's because I'm not threatening. T F
57. I have had a long-term relationship with a woman based on her breasts alone. T F
58. I was a real jerk in high school. T F
59. I always had no respect for people who had plastic surgery until I turned fifty-two and my husband left me for a younger woman. T F
60. What did people do for cash, before ATM machines? T F
61. If I'm thinking something, I usually say it. T F
62. In terms of penises, size is slightly less important than being overall aesthetically pleasing. T F
63. No one likes their job. T F
64. My favorite movie is Coal Miner's Daughter. T F
65. Maybe I'm wrong, but when you sent me that browsing fee $1 receipt from the Erotic Warehouse, it was the equivalent of your saying, wish you were here, or, thinking of you, and I thought that was really sweet. T F
66. I don't give a fuck about work ethic. T F
67. Thoughts are action. T F
68. More than anything else it's my enthusiasm that makes me great in bed. T F
69. I am suspicious of people who seem "too happy." T F
70. Could you explain smoking to me? T F
71. I've always felt more black than white. T F
72. It's hard to choose between great conversation and great sex. T F
73. Hey, I really appreciate being included. T F
74. I often feel I know what people are thinking, but then I'm like, that's impossible. T F
75. I'm in love with my cat, but not in a sick way. T F
76. People have a great capacity to pretend. T F
77. What I want to know is, why was I born into this particular body? T F
78. Some people look great fat. T F
79. Christians often seem too happy and it's kind of creepy. T F
80. I have struggled with unwanted body hair. T F
81. I like to say I'm from the gutter, but the truth is I had a privileged upbringing. T F
82. I'm patiently awaiting the onset of menopause. T F
83. I often spend happy hours thinking about doing things that I would never actually want to do. T F
84. Once when I was in junior high school I went skiing with my friend Kimberly and members of her church, and it turned out to be a secret mission all about converting me to their religion, so I spent most of the trip hiding out in the hot tub with Kenny. T F
85. Que sera, sera. T F
86. It's dangerous to attach yourself to a couple. T F
87. Good fellatio tells a story, just not in English. T F
88. It's stupid to pretend that just because you're in a relationship, you no longer find other people attractive. T F
89. My thighs touch when I walk. T F
90. It is easier to remember than it is to forget. T F
91. I hate it when men tell me to smile. T F
92. I really like to be called pretty, even by the guy behind the counter at the gas station who reminded me of Otis in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. T F
93. I'm sorry I hurt you. T F
94. I've always wondered, what's the point of a hickey? T F
95. It is difficult to feel happy around all the sad and ridiculous horse-and-carriages they have downtown. T F
96. I wonder if other people sweat this much. T F
97. I have never been crowned Hanging '76 Little Britches Rodeo Queen. T F
98. Why are fathers so damn weird? T F
99. There's this one meaningless memory I've never been able to get out of my head. T F
100. Sometimes I think I may be attractive, but then I see myself under fluorescent lights. T F
101. I hate feeling stupid. T F
102. I find it difficult to respect my father and feel sad for him at the same time.T F
103. I'm looking for the right man. T F
104. In my senior year of high school I was absent 42 times. T F
105. It's some kind of miracle I've never had an STD. T F
106. Ethnic babies are "cuter" than Caucasian ones. T F
107. I really like when you call me Sugarfoot, Lickity Cricket, and Pie-Pie, but Hambone, not so much. T F
108. I'm thrilled about living in a country that regularly kills people. T F
109. Je suis une freak. T F
110. Honesty is important, especially in bed. T F
111. I don't believe people when they say, I don't know how it happened it just happened, or, I didn't mean to. T F
112. I wish the internet had been around when I was twelve years old. T F
113. Yes, I do think you're a genius. T F
114. I have only ever stolen money and office supplies. T F
115. Once, I masturbated sixteen times in one 24-hour period, but it stopped feeling good after about the sixth time. T F
116. Sex is not the least important part of a good marriage. T F
117. I always think I enjoy learning, but then I just get bored. T F
118. In theory and spirit, I'm a vegetarian, but I can't resist a good BLT.T F
119. I have wanted to say to my lover, Fuck me like you hate me. T F
120. I don't want things to end. T F
121. Sometimes I can't remember if something happened in a dream or real life. T F
122. I was surprised to find that not everyone appreciates honesty. T F
123. My top two requirements are funny and sexy. T F
124. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this way. T F
125. I don't have an opinion about music, one way or another. T F
126. Sleep is better than most things. T F
127. Thank you for saying to me what you said when we both know you really didn't have to say anything at all. T F
128. There is a reason for all of this. T F
129. Who thought up this whole idea about milk being good for you? T F
130. After sex, I just want to go to sleep. T F
131. Experimentation with illegal drugs can be, in the long run, a very important positive experience. T F
132. No, I wouldn't say I think about sex too much. T F
133. I explained to Joel, this emotional genius thing means that when something is right, you're incapable of wanting things to be different, even if that means I can't ever have sex with him. T F
134. If you change your mind, I'm the first in line. T F
135. Podiatrists are the real doctors. T F
136. My father did his best. T F
137. I've had prescient dreams, and I think that means something. T F
138. There is such a thing as closure. T F
139. I really don't want to lie anymore, to anyone. T F
140. After I make something I get scared I'll never be able to make anything again.T F
141. I would rather be next, than first. T F
142. I should leave a little more to the imagination. T F
143. How come I'm not jealous of Amy, but I fucking hate that bitch Juniper? T F
144. Do you ever think your best moments have been when you've felt ecstatic and sad at the same time? T F
145. My one regret has been my inability to learn geography. T F
146. There are things about me I can't even tell you. T F
147. During the short time we had together, the thing I most remember is the beautiful way you coiled your big tattooed arm around me as we fell asleep. T F
148. When I'm single, I'm lonely but happy. T F
149. Our friendship gives me faith, whatever that is. T F
150. I promise not to have sex with your brother. T F
151. Coincidence is a wholly meaningless word, it's like saying UFO. T F
152. I can't seem to make myself shut up. T F
153. Sometimes you can love someone passionately without wanting to consummate things. T F
154. If I'd had a TV I would have never written this. T F
155. The secret to life is that there is no secret. T F
156. I like what you look like, loved. T F
157. Except for the stretch marks, I'm pretty happy about the way things have turned out. T F
158. I'm learning about discretion and how it can be a good thing. T F
159. Praise embarrasses me, not sex. T F
160. I want children but at this point I don't know how that's supposed to happen. T F
161. In any relationship, fear is corrosive. T F
162. Most people eat food that will eventually help to kill them. T F
163. You know what? It was fun. T F