We confess a guilty pleasure: Police blotters. Especially college police blotters. College kids do the wackiest things: barfing, random vandalism, bicycle seat theft, streaking …. But unless the transgressions are especially tawdry, a blotter can be a snooze. Enter: Pieper, William R. That's how his name appears on the daily e-blasts we receive. Pieper has a gift, a way with words. We imagine Joe Friday reciting his prose. On illegal racers: "That subject took his victory lap in the back of a squad car." On public intoxication: "A non-UT subject was found struggling with gravity." On theft: "Sadly, a thief couldn’t buy a vowel so he stole two bronze consonants from a display sign. Until the letters are replaced, the plaza area will be known as the _AU_KNER Plaza." On barf: "There was evidence on the back floorboard that matched evidence leaving the subject’s mouth that alcohol and her digestive tract were not compatible." Sometimes, like move-in week, he surely doesn't have time for such embellishment, and it's all "just the facts, ma'am." But on slow days, watch out. Thanks, Piep's, you protect us with information and serve it with a smile.
University of Texas Police Department Campus Watch
2201 Robert Dedman, 512/471-4441
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