The Year in Revulsion
Comic J.R. Brow charts the lows and lowers of 2004
At Cap City Comedy Club this Dec. 31, local comic J.R. Brow is the main man in charge of ringing out the old year and ringing in the new. With that in mind, the Chronicle asked him for a postmortem on the past 12 months.
Austin Chronicle: 2004: A bad year or a soul-sucking, mind-rotting black hole of a year?
J.R. Brow: I'm alive, so it wasn't all that bad. I can't find my soul since we moved to Williamson County, but my neighbors are willing to help me find a replacement. (Throwing dice against a wall.) Come on, 2008!
AC: Who wore out their welcome in 2004?
JR: Howard Dean. "EE-E-YAAAAAA-A-AAGH!" That'll wear out any welcome.
AC: All year long, it was election this, election that. What was the moment when the election finally made your head explode?
JR: When I found out that P. Diddy didn't even vote. This after he went on television wearing a "Vote Or Die" shirt. Here's the gun, P., now do it!
AC: TIME says you get to name the Person of the Year. Who's your pick?
JR: Rick James, bitch. I will miss him. Cocaine is a terrible drug.
AC: And the Loser of the Year?
JR: Three losers. Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Pantera's Dimebag Darrell. This marks the first year that sex, drugs, and rock & roll were equally bad ideas.
AC: Who would you put on the bus going off a cliff?
JR: That's easy. I'd strap Rupert Murdoch, Ann Coulter, and Karl Rove to their seats and make Sean Hannity drive the bus over a cliff. That would be fair and balanced to me.
AC: The year in fashion. Any thoughts?
JR: Corduroys, the color brown, and Chuck Taylors. "Now available in every flavor!" at a mall nearest you. All fashion faux pas, IMO.
AC: What image from this year are you working the hardest to erase from your memory?
JR: Another plural. Image(s) of those hideous women who got makeovers on The Swan, only to come out looking even more jacked up. Nightmares, I'm tellin' ya.
AC: Future historians will remember 2004 as the year that humankind finally ...?
JR: ... convinced Calvin (the bad boy on the window sticker) to stop peeing on everything and to get on his knees and pray for forgiveness. Seriously, peeing isn't sinful! How about a sticker of Calvin mopping a puddle and showing remorse?
J.R. Brow headlines the New Year's Eve gala and performs through Jan. 2 at the Cap City Comedy Club, 8120 Research. For more information, call 467-2333 or visit www.capcitycomedy.com.