What Kind of Theatre Do You Go For?

By Robert Faires

Maybe you've never been to a play in this town. Or maybe you go every weekend and just feel like you're not well-matched with the shows you're seeing. Or maybe you think you're going to see shows you like but are in fact wasting good money seeing plays for which you aren't well-suited. Where, oh where, is the theatre company for you? Life without a theatre company to call your very own is difficult. Lucky for you, we're here to help! Here's how it works: Circle the letter that best answers each question. When you're done, see how many As, Bs, Cs, and Ds you've circled. Check the key below for your extremely scientific personalized character reading and our extremely scientific personalized advice about which companies are your spiritual soulmates. If you're honest, you'll learn what troupes are out there waiting for you, and a little something about yourself, too.

1. Your ideal date consists of:
a. Dinner at Manuel's, followed by dancing
b. Seeing the Sexy Finger Champs play at Emo's, followed by drunken escapades
c. A protest rally, followed by a tub of beer in the back yard
d. Profound conversation over coffee at The Hideout, followed by stargazing at Mount Bonnell

2. What do you sleep in?
a. Silk pajamas
b. A ripped T-shirt
c. Nothing
d. A worn white nightgown

3. What is your political affiliation?
a. Democratic party
b. No affiliation, you're an anarchist
c. Green party
d. Socialist party

4. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
a. Style and Playfulness
b. Attitude and Gutsiness
c. Compassion and Openness to New Ideas
d. Vigor and Intelligence

5. What's in your window?
a. Velvet drapes
b. Tinfoil
c. Candles
d. Venetian blinds

6. What's your favorite kind of music?
a. Billie Holiday, ABBA, Gypsy cast CD
b. Velvet Underground, Jonathan Richman, Sex Pistols
c. Ani DiFranco, Brian Eno, Bob Dylan
d. Rolling Stones, Serge Gainsbourg, Wagner

7. What book is on your nightstand?
a. Celebrity autobiographies, like Me by Katherine Hepburn
b. Cult science fiction, like Martian Time Slip by Philip K. Dick
c. Fringe social commentary, like Apocalypse Culture by Adam Parfrey
d. Important novels, like Camus' The Stranger

8. Where do you go when you eat out?
a. Jeffrey's, Z Tejas, Chuy's
b. Star Seeds, Sam's Barbecue, Hole in the Wall
c. Mother's, Gaby and Mo's, Mr. Natural
d. Eastside Cafe, Spider House, Highlife Cafe

9. What kind of movies do you like?
a. All About Eve, Topsy-Turvy, Mommie Dearest
b. The Filth and the Fury, Doom Generation, Gimme Shelter
c. Belle du Jour, Pull My Daisy, The Conformist
d. Easy Rider, American Beauty, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

10. Your friends are most likely to describe you as:
a. Vivacious
b. Brilliant
c. Adventurous
d. Passionate

11. People who don't like you would probably describe you as:
a. Elitist
b. Self-absorbed
c. Freakish
d. Over-dramatic

12. Where do you live?
a. 78703
b. 78705
c. 78722
d. 78704

13. What kind of pet do you have?
a. Well-groomed dog
b. Eurotic alley cat
c. Free-range chickens
d. Caged bird

14. Do you kiss on the first date?
a. Yes, if appropriate
b. Yes, if drunk
c. Yes, if the stars are in alignment
d. Yes, if suddenly, madly in love

15. What is your favorite time of day?
a. Cocktail hour
b. Middle of the night
c. Sunrise
d. Sunset

Add up your answers.

If you have mostly As:

You are very classy and are admired for your style. You appreciate the finer things in life and are prone to be wildly extravagant. You possess a highly developed sense of tradition but also like to surprise your friends with daring and innovative moves, proving you can't be pigeonholed as old school. You like to combine the best of the old with the fresh and new.

Your soulmates in the Austin theatre scene are ... Austin Musical Theatre, the Paramount Theatre, the Zachary Scott Theatre Center.

If you have mostly Bs:

You are courageous and smart and always up for adventure. Some people find you oblique or disrespectful, but such is the price of rebellion. You are all about trial by fire and want to stay on the cutting edge. People admire that you pull no punches and like to take chances, which, when they pay off, pay off big.

Your soulmates in the Austin theatre scene are ... the Rude Mechanicals, Salvage Vanguard Theater.

If you have mostly Cs:

You are bold but compassionate, always mindful of others, in your life and your politics. You are socially aware and like testing boundaries, particularly when it comes to politics and sexuality. People admire your willingness to expose yourself. Vulnerability is an act of courage and you are a brave soul, fighting the good fight.

Your soulmates in the Austin theatre scene are ... Frontera@Hyde Park Theatre, VORTEX Repertory Company.

If you have mostly Ds:

You are understated but intense. Even though you usually stick to tried-and-true methods of expression, you appreciate the subtle power of a look or gesture. You stick to what you know, but what you know is plenty. You love deeply and well, and people respect you for your poise and integrity. You have a poetic nature and a full heart.

Your soulmates in the Austin theatre scene are ... The Public Domain Theatre, Subterranean Theatre Company, the Dairigo Group.