Hornography
By Eric Sollenberger, Fri., Oct. 10, 2014
It's Texas-Oklahoma week once again, and the Longhorns, firmly entrenched in a rebuild, might be the least entertaining major program in college football. It's not that they don't have a chance in hell against the Sooners, but if they manage to make it a close contest up in Dallas, it will be due to a grinding, plodding, clock-controlling three hours of my life that I will never get back.
UT doesn't have a big-play threat on their roster. Even if they did, head coach Charlie Strong probably wouldn't trust unripened quarterback Tyrone Swoopes to take more than two downfield shots per game with him. Casual Texas fans must find this team remarkably hard to root for, while the die-hards just shrug.
So, enjoy your weekend, Longhorn fans. You're free to focus on other things besides football, like how much fried stuff we can shove through our collective pieholes at the Texas State Fair before kickoff on Saturday morning. There's no fried butter or battered Kool-Aid this year, but there will be deep-fried sweet tea, a just-as-fried shrimp boil, and hot soul cake. I have no idea what hot soul cake is, but I am sure that it is delicious.
If you absolutely have to do something Longhorns-related please mock up a set of burnt-orange marching band uniforms that don't look like they're from the Seventies, and remember that it's easier these days to rebuild a 40-foot talking cowboy after a meltdown than a top-tier college football program.
Oklahoma enters into Dallas with a chip on its shoulder after having one planted firmly on their collective ass throughout Saturday. Gary Patterson's TCU squad knocked the Sooners out of the top spot in the Big 12, possibly because their quarterback Trevor Knight was distracted after Katy Perry all but asked for him to give her a booty call during her appearance on ESPN's College Gameday. The Longhorns are going to have to be a little more exciting if they want a pop star to name drop them on national TV, but at least we've got Matthew McConaughey.
The Oscar winner paid the Longhorns a visit last week, which was just perfect. The one thing Texas used to like about Baylor was that no matter how much the Longhorns change, the Bears stay the same. But Baylor and Oklahoma are all grown up now, and the Longhorns are still just kind of hanging around, hoping to be invited to their parties. Let's hope the cops (or worse yet, the paramedics) don't show up to this one on Saturday early.