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Hornucopia

By Michael Corcoran, September 21, 2012, Sports

So much for, what they call in parts of Mississippi, "the Obama curse." Two days after visiting the evil Muslim job-destroyer in the White House with the U.S. Olympic team, wide receiver Marquise Goodwin made an insane bolt between defenders for a 69-yard touchdown that led the 12th-ranked Texas Longhorns to a 66-31 win at Ole Miss.

Giving up six touchdowns and a field goal on seven consecutive possessions, the quaint Missy D couldn't stop the Horns' Occupy End Zone movement. Quarterback David Ash perfected the underthrow for more than 300 yards passing, a performance that earned him Big 12 Offensive Player of the Week honors. Meanwhile, Malcolm "Powder" Brown chafed the D for 128 on the ground, D.J. Monroe had a spectacular rushing TD for the third game in a row and Joe Bergeron was well on his way to 100-plus before he left with a shoulder injury that needs the upcoming bye week like Chris Brown's neck needs laser surgery.

Sophomore linebacker Steve Edmond of Daingerfield finally got some respect, returning a Bo Wallace boo-boo for a touchdown to start the scoring. But the vaunted UT defense was as porous as a crocheted jug, with the usually reliable Carrington Byndom III playing like he went to Exeter Prep. Quandre Diggs came up with two interceptions to break even for a game that saw him consistently beaten by Donte "Good Grief" Moncreif. If Dre Dre wants to create a job job for himself in the NFL, he's gotta start tackling better.

Two areas in which the Horns were picture-postcard perfect were offensive line and defensive end. "Delta" Don Hawkins came home and protected Ash's blind side like Sandra Bullock was taking him out for ice cream after the game. And on the defense, Alex Okafor and Jackson Jeffcoat were throwing blockers around like they were clothes on the bed and Ok and Coat couldn't find their wallets. Best sack of the night, however, came from backup Reggie Wilson, who made an old DE named Reggie proud, as he vaporized a block and took a Wallace down like Nixon did in '68.

Formerly inconsistent WR Mike Davis gets some Hornucopia fruit for a great game, with five catches for 124 yards and a big touchdown that put it away after an Ole Miss kickoff return for a TD.

The play of the game, however, was made in the replay booth. With Ole Miss down 17-7, they seemingly brought it back to 17-14 in the second quarter when Moncrief caught a pass on the sideline, shed Diggs like a Members Only jacket, and sprinted into the end zone. As the sellout crowd at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium sensed an upset, officials had a look-see. Although there didn't seem to be conclusive evidence to overturn the call, refs took down the points, put the ball at the 23, and the Rebels had to settle for a field goal.

Put to votes in Mississippi today, same-sex marriage would have a better chance of passing than the use of instant replay.

Did that call in the booth shift the momentum? Mos def. But even Michael Jackson's skin doctor couldn't change the complexion of this game. Texas had the hosses, Ole Miss had the ponies passed over by Alabama and Arkansas.

Texas is off this weekend, but the players will be watching more film than a young Woody Allen who just discovered French New Wave. Then it's four biggies in a row: Oklahoma State in Stillwater, West Virginia here, Oklahoma in the Brent Musburger Bowl, Pardner, and then Baylor at home. If Texas plays like they did Saturday night, they'll split the four. But if Ash continues his Boy II Man routine and Manny's D plays its beastly best, Texas could at least be 6-1 leading into the "trap game" against a surprisingly competitive Kansas.

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