The Hightower Report

Attention, men. Yes, you – you with the Y chromosomes – it's time for some man-talk. Specifically, we need to address how you dress.

First, the good news: At long last, the metrosexual look, style, demeanor, and even the idea of the metrosexual man is dead, officially proclaimed passé by the style section of The New York Times. About time, too – it was so Bush era, and who misses that?

However, your typical man-person will not be thrilled to hear what the world of fashion has in store for us next. The driving force that will determine what we'll be wearing is called "Henry." Not Longfellow or Thoreau (both are so old-school), but a spiffy acronym that stands for "High Earner, Not Rich Yet." Worse, a Wall Street fashion analyst gushes that the new model for men's couture is – ready? – "a Yummy." That would be a Young Urban Male. Makes you miss "yuppie," doesn't it?

And what is this style? A Times photo shows a tall, blond Yummy wearing an overcoat that looks as if he has draped a shower curtain around him (albeit a cashmere shower curtain). "We needed a kind of fresh look," says the head of Zegna, a men's fashion purveyor. By "fresh," he's talking about silken coats that resemble bathrobes, shirts with yardlong sleeves that you scrunch up – oh, and narrow pants are in, very in. As one retail executive explained, it's about "the way a narrow trouser makes you feel." Hmmm, I think "squeezed" would be my answer to that.

Speaking of squeezed, we're talking luxury duds – a "Yummy" suit runs between $5,000 and $17,000. And don't forget your luxury men's bag. These are "a growing segment," enthused one investment manager, adding that, "I'm not the only one in meetings now with a luxury branded bag."

I guarantee you he'd be the only man-bag toter in any of the meetings I go to. But then, I'm not a "Yummy."