News Top Tens

Top 10 Ways to Play With Your Ann Coulter Action Figure

1) Two words: Paris Hilton.

2) Wipe that smirk (and everything else) off her face! (Try Easy-Off Oven Cleaner.)

3) Hair play. Give her cornrows. Or a Mohawk.

4) Feed her $500,000 worth of OxyContin. (It's OK. It's for her pain, not for kicks.)

5) Every Hummer needs a new hood ornament, don'cha think?

6) Find out what's inside the George Bush Elite Force Aviator Homoerotic Action Figure's flight suit.

7) Run her for Congress from Texas. (Try the new District 11, an open seat.) She's Republican. She can't lose.

8) Re-enact the dramatic and heroic rescue of Jessica Lynch. (Remember to scribble on your Iraqi toy soldiers to make them more "swarthy.")

9) Catfight! (You'll have to create your own Arianna Huffington action figure, though.)

10) Invade her country, kill her leader, and convert her to Christianity.