The Luv Doc
A Decline in Desirability
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. When we first met, we couldn't get enough of each other! When we had sex, it was like fire! We had the best sex ever day! But lately, our romantic encounters have been few and far between. It's a problem when I'm a young, energetic, ovulating female, and he denies me. Shouldn't the guy be begging for sex in a relationship? I have informed him of my frustration, but to no avail. I even asked him last night why my clothes were still on and he shrugged, got up, and got a snack. He says since we live in separate houses, and both of us have roommates, that's a problem. (I guess we're loud) Is there something wrong with me? Do you think he's gay? What can I do to make him want me? I don't want to break up - I just want him to want me!!
-Not alone but lonely
Wow. You have been having sex with the same person for over a year? I mean ... wow. No amount of porn and Viagra can fix that problem. At this point I can only imagine you've made your way through the entire Kama Sutra, The Joy of Sex, and 50 Shades of Grey. You're probably completely bored with YouPorn too. I imagine at this point your sex is some sort of bizarre mash-up of ,2 Girls 1 Cup, a brutal snuff film, and a gerbilling session gone horribly wrong. It's amazing your boyfriend can even hold down a snack at this point. Of course, all of the preceding assumes you have absolutely nothing else going on with your relationship besides sex and ... uh ... apparently ... snacks. Maybe you should stop buying your trail mix at Whole Foods. Damn, I get a semi just walking through the bulk foods at that place. Wait a minute. That came out wrong. I'm not saying you're not hotter than Whole Foods trail mix. I don't know. But let's assume for a minute you are. In fact, let's assume you're Mila Kunis hot ... and maybe even like ten times as dirty. If that's all you're bringing to the table, how far down the road does that get you? I'm thinking maybe two years tops ... and we're talking about Mila. Bottom line is that when you're this deep in a relationship, you have to step up your game ... not just physically (that hand has been dealt), but emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. You have to be more than just a meat pocket and a couple of fun bags, you have to be truly engaging in every sense of the word. Part of that engagement is asking him exactly what it is he wants from you sexually. It might involve a blowtorch and a manatee, but it might also be something really simple that doesn't violate federal statutes. More importantly, you need to tell him exactly (at least as honestly as you can) what you need from him in order to feel desired. That may seem desperate, but only because it involves a lot of trust and intimacy. It could go wrong, but it's not exactly going right at this point anyway, is it?