The Most Fun You Can Have at Christmas With Your Pants On

Rebecca Havemeyer and Stanley Roy brought it! The seventh annual incarnation of their Christmas play: Whatchu’ Talkin' 'bout Christmuss? delivered an absolute riot of laughs, inappropriate gut punches, and some frilly, bacon-laden underwear.

Of course, the Infant of Prague, the Grufflepuff, and the Christmas Bacon were all in fine form, too. Sort of.

Havemeyer and Roy cherry-pick the best elements of a Christmas pantomime cum drag show, shake the shit out of it, then pour over ice to produce a truly original experience: An annual holiday show and a custom cocktail – available at the bar for $4. Just ask for the "White Winged Dove." ("It has eggnog and smells like Stevie Nicks.")

The show opened with Havemeyer, in a lime green Sixties mini frock, warning any epileptics in the crowd that “there’s a shit ton of strobe lights, and all triggers will be pushed.”

After that thoughtful cautionary reminder, Havemeyer and Roy charged the stage in gift-wrapped boxes, belted their own lyrics to something that sounded like "Pour Some Sugar on Me." From there, the action did not stop. Havemeyer’s dramatically comedic rubber facial expressions, constant checking that her wig was on straight, and coquettish Southern drawl were the perfect foil to Roy’s ‘straight man’ (pun very much intended) persona.

Each year, the play follows a loose format, a story around the Christmas Bacon, of which Havemeyer and Roy are the keepers. Once a wish is kissed upon the bacon, it is hung upon the mantelpiece so that the Infant of Prague, ‘the baby Jeebus’ as Rebecca calls him, can eat it and grant the wish.

This year, in a dramatic turn of events, the bacon was stolen and the Infant of Prague died right before intermission, which is a very good place for a death in a play. (Last year's dramatic turn involved the Mayan Apocalypse, FYI.) Luckily, the dramatic tension was eased by a ridiculously frenetic double performance of "Sleigh Ride," complete with curses directed at Little Tanya (a fan who'd written in to request it the first time) and a front row member of the audience (who requested it again as their birthday present).

The highlight of the show was Havemeyer singing a tribute to her new cat, Tickles-Pickles, to the tune of something that sounded suspiciously like Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball," all while a slideshow of cat pictures (presumably Tickles-Pickles) illuminated the entire side wall.

Rebecca and Stanley then proceeded to mourn the passing of baby Jeebus/Infant of Prague by destroying the stage in a Six Million Dollar Man-style slow motion rage, tweaked by the strobe lights we were warned about. The destruction ceased when what can only be described as the-creepiest-Judy-Garland-ever showed up (masterfully played by Silky Shoemaker, in a second role of the evening, after "Mrs. Santa Claus, Round Rock Swinger").

The death of the infant and the loss of the bacon served not merely as denouement, but the moral lesson of the show: No matter which traditions die or are taken from you, nothing can stop Christmas unless you allow it to. It certainly won’t stop Havemeyer and Roy from coming back next year with another ridiculously fun, frantic, and offensively hilarious play.

Thank the baby Jeebus.

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Read more Drag stories at austinchronicle.com/gay. The Gay Place’s 5 Days of Dragmas! runs online Monday-Friday, December 23-27.