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News Ticker: October 8

All the news that's fit to blog
Brandon Watson, 4:15pm, Tue. Oct. 8, 2013
Dan Patrick gets tough on immigration, Jerry Patterson gets tough on Dan Patrick, and Lisa Fritsch decides to tough it out. Sinew is on the News Ticker.

• Now that election season is in full swing, every rusted barn and downy cotton field in Texas is being lovingly videotaped to illustrate the can-do spirit of everyone who has ever ordered a Hunger Buster. U.S. Sen. John Cornyn new ad, for example, features a lot of rural handshaking. That shows you how committed he is to lowering taxes.

• In her first gubernatorial campaign ad, Sen. Wendy Davis works the ranch.

• Last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother referenced Davis' filibuster, which is a weird thing for a period drama to do, but we guess the Dowager Countess is supposed to be "sassy."

• Democrat Mike Collier has entered the comptroller race with still more handshaking. Just for fun, we would like to see a political ad with air kisses.

• Sen. Dan Patrick used his latest commercial to evoke the names of Texas military legends. Just like Patrick, William Travis defended the Alamo in front of a tastefully appointed bookshelf. Is that a geode? How rugged.

• In the ad, Patrick claimed that he is the only Lite Guv candidate who is opposed to in-state tuition for undocumented immigrants. Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson was all like nuh-uh.

• Conservative broadcaster Lisa Fritsch announced her candidacy for Texas governor today at Mighty Fine Burger. Assumably the location was a clear signal that she is willing to chew the fat.

• "At length did cross an Albatross:
Thorough the fog it came;
As if it had been a Christian soul,
We hailed it in God's name."

• While we are not sure if the Texas version of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? will have the same gravitas, we couldn't be more thrilled with the casting.

• Taking a second glance at this Texas Tribune headline, we are glad that the institution of crowdsurfing remains unsullied.

• We are concerned that Travis County Taxpayers Union Treasurer Don Zimmerman may be going Single White Female on Matt Drudge. It started with Zimmerman adopting the Drudge look, then he began using the word "rape" in inappropriate ways. We have to stop this before Zimmerman has Drudge tied up in an apartment.

Six Flags has denied any wrongdoing in the death of Rosa Esparza, saying they did not anticipate such an accident occurring. That places the Texas Giant incident in sharp contrast to other roller coaster fatalities, which are usually workshopped months in advance.

Jason Lovoi had hoped that his steamy Texas Department of Criminal Justice pentobarbital affair would be kept on the "down low," but then the TDJC had to change their Facebook relationship status.

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