News Ticker: August 12

Jodie Laubenberg inspires the muse, Lance Armstrong defends dishonesty, and Donald Trump makes the morning rounds. Tomfoolery is on the News Ticker.

• According to a "credible source," which may or may not be a Quija board pilfered from a junior high slumber party, Sen. Wendy Davis is definitely running for governor.

• But before you break out into interpretive dance, The New Republic has freshly laundered a wet blanket.

• Say what you will about Austin, but we never miss an opportunity for a sing-along.

• Lance Armstrong is being sued for the factual liberties he took in his two bestsellers. We bet his heart is breaking into a million little pieces.

• Peggy Fikac, the journalistic equivalent of low-sodium cream of celery soup, thinks Gov. Rick Perry's recent gaffes could hurt him in the presidential election.

• A primary delay caused by the ongoing Texas redistricting battle could be bad news for incumbents. Maybe this will finally be the year we remove Perry from office.

• Terracotta funerary sculpture Donald Trump has set his birther sites on Sen. Ted Cruz.

• In his latest campaign ad, Railroad Commissioner Barry Smitherman promises to protect Texans from the mean ole EPA. From the looks of it, his main plan of attack is driving around Houston in an SVU. Take that EPA! You don't own him!

• Rep. Blake Farenthold, a young boy whose fairground wish to be big had surprising results, think that there are enough votes in congress to impeach President Obama.