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The Making of a 'Big Shot'

Cheer Up Charlie's premieres Christeene's startling new video
Brandon Watson, 1:02pm, Thu. Jan. 24, 2013
Screen shot from Big Shot video
Although rarely discussed today, the CIA began a program in the Seventies to record thousands of everyday conversations – ostensibly in an effort to understand the countercultural insurgency then sweeping the nation. One of those recordings apparently featured beloved local musical slattern Christeene.

Using a Freedom of Information Act request and a cache of unused Ho-Hos, the Gay Place is finally able to publish the transcript – a rare glimpse behind the dirty pillows of Austin's skeeziest star.

Margaret Vale: Christeene, you haven't touched your apple cake.
Christeene: It gives me pimples, Mama.
MV: Pimples are the Lord's way of chastising you.
Christeene: [long pause] Mama?
MV: Yeah.
Christeene: Mama, please say that I've got t-to try and get along with people better.
MV: [giggle] What are you going on about, Christeene?
Christeene: I've been invited to a video premiere.
MV: [long pause] Video premiere?
Christeene: Yeah, a video premiere. Everyone's goin' …
MV: It was that director that called, wasn't it?
Christeene: Please see that I'm not like you, Mama, I'm funny. I mean, all the kids think I'm funny, and I don't wanna be. I wanna be normal, I wanna start to try me, a whole person, before it's too late for me to.
[The sound of liquid being thrown at a face, possibly Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid]
Christeene: His name is PJ Raval, and he's a very nice boy, Mama.
MV: No.
Christeene: And he promised to come in and meet you …
MV: I said no.
Christeene: … and he'd have me home by midnight and …
MV: No, no, no, no!
Christeene: I've accepted, Mama! I accepted it!
MV: Go to your closet.
Christeene: No!
MV: [pause] After all you've been taught, Christeene?
Christeene: Everyone isn't bad, Mama! Everything isn't a sin!
MV: Go to your closet and pray, ask to be forgiven.

Chilling.

Christeene and PJ Raval present the Austin premiere of the "Big Shot" video tonight at Cheer Up Charlie's. 8:30-10:30pm. Free.

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