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Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from Burnet Road
LuvDoc, 7:30am, Sat. Jul. 28, 2012
Did somebody lose a contact lense?
Ever open your eyes in the middle of your downward dog and realize that the Google car is snapping a picture of your moneymaker? Seems kind of invasive, doesn’t it?

Sure, Google likes to pretend they’re harmless with their bright primary colors and their “Don’t be evil” motto, but maybe that’s just subterfuge for nefarious activities like driving around snapping random photos of people’s taint blankets and then posting them on the interwebs. Your mechanic might have one of those Christian fish emblems on his business card, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to say you need a complete engine overhaul when you take your car in for new wiper blades. In fact, if you see a Christian fish emblem on somebody’s business card, run. You don’t want to end up in an ice-filled Motel 6 bathtub with a kidney missing. Bottom Line: People who work extra hard to let you know they’re good are probably up to something fishy. That fish emblem is starting to make sense, isn’t it? Who says God doesn’t have a sense of irony? Yeah, that fish thing seems paranoid, but I bet this lady never dreamed her badonkadonk would be immortalized on Streetview either. Like they say in prison: Always keep your guard up and your ass down. Hindsight is 20-20 – literally in this case – and had this woman know her wares were going to be on permanent display she might have reconsidered wearing compression shorts for her morning workout. Compression shorts are outstanding if you’re playing women’s volleyball or if you want to wear something that really makes your private parts pop, but they’re a horrible idea for just about everything else. Fortunately the only people who will recognize this woman – especially while she’s in this position – have already tapped that ass. Luvdoc Fashion Index: 8.5 (bonus points for extra flexibility and a sweet black gimme cap)

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