Good, Good, Good, Good Vibrations: A Contest
"The safest sex you can have is with a toy, so sign up!"
That was one mother's rationale for escorting her 18-year-old daughter to the Trojan Vibrations Pleasure Cart this Saturday just outside the ACL gates.
While the name, "the Pleasure Cart" may give off the vibe of some new fetish carny ride, it's actually just a purple "hot dog" cart filled with free – yes, free – vibrators.
That's right, everyone's favorite – or at least most ubiquitous – condom brand is now in the vibrator business, and in keeping with their strategy of ubiquity, they want Austinites to know about it. They've taken these carts through a tour of multiple cities, and this past weekend they were set up in front of Barton Springs Bike Rental to catch the teaming, twitching, possibly sexually frustrated hoards of ACL-goers.
So you can imagine everyone's chagrin when weekend flood warnings (and the actual flooding of Zilker Park) caused ACL to cancel the last day of the festival – hence decreasing, by about a jillion, the foot traffic on Barton Springs Road, causing Trojan to pack up their toys and go home.
How many free vibes were they planning on handing out? "A lot!" was all the PR guy at the cart would say, but he did assure that they had divided the numbers evenly between both days. We know, from Trojan's initial pimping of the tour, that so far, the company has given away well over 55,000 of the buzzing rods. That's a helluva campaign, not to mention a lot of smiling faces. Ironic that Austin's quota was cut in half by gushing floods of moisture.
So, we had to call them to ask: What are you going to do, dear Trojan, with all those Sunday vibrators?!
Well, for starters, they're giving your friendly neighborhood Gay Place five sets (that's a pocket rocket that goes by the name "Pulse" and a full-size, three tip, multi-speed vibe for double the pleasure known as "Tri-phoria") and you, our dearest reader could win one set of these pulsating puppies for double the fun.
Feeling self conscious? Don't. "It's great how mainstream vibrators have become – Sex & the City, Girls – all those have led to this fun swelling" pun/no pun intended? "of pop culture," said the PR rep. "We get all walks of life – girls, guys, all ages." And from the number of purple bags seen during the last few hours of Saturday's ACL, that was no exaggeration.
Now, to win one of these glorious sets, mailed directly to your home, all you have to do is (pay attention here 'cuz you need to follow all the steps) go to your Facebook and:
1) Like The Gay Place
2) Like the Chronicle
3) Befriend Dandy Unicorn (after this you'll never miss a gay moment in Austin)
4) Tag us all in a post (or a group message for the shy ones) telling us just which celebrity, gay-lebrity, local-lebrity, historical figure, or cartoon character you'll most likely be picturing on your first go-round with your new toy.
5) Then, email us at email@example.com and tell us to check your profile for your entry.
Then, sit back, relax, have a cig, and wait for your vibes to arrive.
We'd be fibbing if we said we were unique in our jumping on this free vibrator trend. According to The Daily Dot, Vibrators.com has been giving away 200 free vibrators a day to government workers on furlough until the shutdown ends. It's a sure way to bring some joy to all our unpaid government workers (and it sure has us obsessing about the word fur-lough).
So, come on, readers, hurry and enter our giveaway: It could finish sooner than expected.
• You must be 21 years of age or older to win.
• One entry per Facebook profile, per contest.
• Winners will be chosen Friday, October 19, 2013. Winners will be notified via email or telephone between noon-1pm and must be able to confirm by Friday, October 19, 6pm.
• Open only to residents of Texas.
• Winning of prize DOES NOT include meals, transportation, gas, or any other amenity not mentioned in this blog entry. The prize is basically two vibrators, sent by mail to your address, ONLY.
• Winning of prize DOES NOT imply any other date or stimulating scenario, does not imply anything untoward and you don't even have to think of us when you are using the darned things.
• The odds of winning depend on the total number of entries received.
• Trojan and their related PR companies are determining specific vibrator models, and can change this at their discretion. No rainchecks nor refunds.
• This contest occurs rain or shine.
• In the event of non-confirming prize winners, another winner will be chosen and notified Friday afternoon.