News Ticker: April 18
• Of all the skills required of a U.S. Senator, none are as valued as the ability to shoot oneself in the foot.
• Gabby Giffords isn't particularly pleased with that fact.
• But at least there is one bright side.
• During his treacly Senate tribute to Margaret Thatcher, Ted Cruz stops just short of reworking Elton John's "Candle in the Wind."
• We knew that Google Fiber had seen other cities before; we just thought that this time it was willing to be exclusive.
• Meanwhile, Rick Perry has been trying out his Spanish fly on Illinois. Gov. Pat Quinn said he's heard all those lines before.
• A decade after Texas' sodomy law was declared unconstitutional, the Texas Senate Criminal Justice Committee has finally allowed a vote on its repeal.
• New Hampshire State Rep. Peter Hansen claims that people are misinterpreting his statement referring to all women as "vaginas." Relatedly, Hansen is reportedly confused why people keep calling him a private eye.