the latest

« Chronolog

Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from Far West Boulevard
7:00am, Tue. Jul. 10, 2012
This cat is the Tyson Cole of Austin fusion couture
Amazingly, beards are still fashionable in Austin. Makes no goddamn sense considering how mercilessly hot it is, but you have to take into account Austin’s belligerent laziness. That’s no small factor.

Despite all the posh high rise condos, doucheclubs with bottle service, and trendy restaurants that serve appetizers as entrees, there is still a heavy slacker undercurrent in Austin. Thanks Richard.

Even the nattily dressed Willie Nelson ditched his dapper attire when he hit Austin in the 70s. He is now living proof that you can dress like a gypsy panhandler and still run with the jet set. Of course, there is one small caveat: It really, really helps to be Willie Nelson if you’re going to attempt that. You might want to buy a house in Maui or at the very least an old guitar with a hole in it.

Here’s an old joke that illustrates the Willie Nelson paradox quite nicely:

Question: What’s the worst thing Willie Nelson can say to you when you’re giving him a blowjob?
Answer: “I’m not Willie Nelson!”

Roll that around on your palate for a sec. Yeah, good jokes take time.

Let’s hope Willie Nelson was the one who made up that joke because otherwise it’s really mean. Everybody loves Willie - even if they’re not necessarily going down on him. Hell, Austin named two full city blocks worth of street after him and put a bronze statue of him on the ritziest corner in downtown Austin. He is a wonderful human being and an inspiration to millions of people the world over; so don’t think that beards and ponytails will be passé in Austin anytime in the next century. That would be like asking The Nation of Islam to stop dressing like Pee Wee Herman.

So this guy, on the basis of that beard alone, is nailing it for Austin. He’s a little all over the map with that gimme cap, bike messenger bag, button down oxford, and gangsta-style oversized khaki pants paired with Keens. Holy fucking shit. Epiphany. This guy is a visionary of stylistic fusion. He is like the Tyson Cole of Austin fusion couture. Fall in line hipsters. Fall in line.

Luvdoc Fashion Index: 9.95 (Keens can never be part of the perfect ensemble)

Next in Chronolog: The Joy of Socks! »