Year Released: 2006 Directed By: Michael Caton-Jones Starring: Sharon Stone, David Morrissey, David Thewlis, Charlotte Rampling, Hugh Dancy (R, 114 min.)
"Ich rieche Blut" is the title of a pricey-looking lithograph that adorns the wall of Dr. Michael Glass (Morrissey), himself a pricey-looking London psychiatrist sporting a strictly bargain-basement sense of professional ethics. But don't blame him, and don't blame the bossa nova, either – lay this garish, deliciously awful sequel at the feet of screenwriters Leora Barish and Henry Bean, who have contrived Sharon Stone’s Venus mantrap Cat Tramell back from the clutches of apropos obscurantism and onto the screen, where she positively oozes freaky kink like Tom of Finland oozes leather. "I smell blood," is Dr. Glass' helpful translation to untethered Scotland Yarder Roy Washburn (Thewlis, biting down hard), who's finding both bodies and bodices – torn asunder, naturally – wherever this particular Cat creeps. Stone still dazzles the eye, but this wholly unwarranted sequel is so outrageously preposterous (and so very chockablock with quotable examples of the fine art of bad dialogue) that the end result achieves a basement grandeur of near-epic proportions. I'm tempted to thank original Basic Instinct scribe and sometime Hollywood animal Joe Eszterhas for this on at least some level, since he also has the pleasingly asinine Showgirls notched on his bedpost. But a â "based on characters created by" credit is hardly the stuff of reliable résumés these days, and so the credit/blame/outrage is to be shared by former Doc Hollywood director Caton-Jones and his two screenwriting compatriots. But what fun! In the 15 years since the original film stoked its initial, audience-baiting outrages, Stone's Cat has relocated across the pond – not much else is revealed about that interim span – and reappears on the screen hurtling through an apparently abandoned London at the stroke of midnight in a glistening, black Spyder, with a famous footballer's fist ratcheting her gearbox. Oh, but the bitch is back, and then some: Chaos ensues. Just how bad is Basic Instinct 2? Well, for starters, there's far less sex than you've been hoping. The conservative timbre of the times may have forced this on the filmmakers, but they've countered with some injudiciously placed dialogue (the female orgasm gets, shall we say, something of an oral workout here) and one helluva cornball plot – a thing of dark, wretched beauty far too complex to go into here, or, to be honest, for anyone to ever fully understand. Thankfully, that's not at all key to the audience's enjoyment of this film, which only asks that you allow it to wash over you like a late-night Skinemax soft-corer, minus the bump ’nâ' grind but with new, improved histrionics. Blood? Nein, Herr Doctor, Ich rieche scheiße.
Antichrist Lars von Trier lives to affront again. Chaos, indeed, reigns. - Marc Savlov The Blind Side John Lee Hancock, director of The Rookie, scores with another sports drama, this time concerning a true football story. - Kimberley Jones Fantastic Mr. Fox Opens Wednesday. - Marjorie Baumgarten The Messenger Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster play two members of the military's casualty notification team, which delivers bad news to soldiers' next of kin. - Marjorie Baumgarten Ninja Assassin Opens Wednesday. - Marjorie Baumgarten Old Dogs Opens Wednesday. - Marjorie Baumgarten Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire Much like the title character Precious, this rough-hewn movie overcomes the unlikely odds for its success. - Marjorie Baumgarten The Road Opens Wednesday. - Marjorie Baumgarten The Twilight Saga: New Moon Edward and Bella are back for more thwarted young vampiric love. - Marjorie Baumgarten Until the Light Takes Us This music documentary chronicles the history, ideology, and aesthetic of Norwegian black metal. - Raoul Hernandez
