Stoops to Franchione: Bobcats Need A Badass Snowball

Editor’s note: Joe O’Connell claims the following message was left on his old-school answering machine hooked up to his old-school landline. He also claims zippers are the devil’s work and the Internet is something involving spiders. Don’t believe a word he says – ever.

Joe, my scribbling wizard! It’s Coach Bob Stoops calling to find out just what kind of drugs you’re taking. Even way up in the hinterlands we heard about your last blog post. Telling University of Texas fans to back Coach Fran’s team at Texas State? What you smoking, son? Pass it over here quick! Seriously, Mack Brown could use a hit of that. I hear he’s nervous about the Horns meeting with us this weekend in Dallas. It will not be pretty. You can quote me on that.

Back to your blog post: Don’t sweat it, bubba! Sure, you talked up the Bobcats right before they got slaughtered by the Ragin’ Cajuns 48-24 down in the swamp. But I still like that young QB Tyler Jones, and, heck, I gotta give Franchione credit for actually going with the talent and giving it a shot. Did you know I beat out Fran for this here OU head-coaching gig back in the Nineties? Yee-haw and damn straight!

Here’s where your Bobcats screwed the pooch: They covered those U. of Louisiana receivers loose. And what happened to that running game you touted? Shoot, Texas State got bulldozed. Torn to shreds. I did like that kid Brandon Smith. Running two kicks back for TDs! He scored more than the rest of the Texas State offense combined, but that’s not saying much.

Hey, some of your detractors said you were over-hyping the Bobcats in that blog post. That thing had more than 8,000 “likes” on Facebook. What the heck does that mean, nerd? Heck, all you predicted was a bowl game in Texas State’s future. Are you nuts? Yes, Fran’s got the easy schedule to pull that off. I sure do remember taking on Fran’s Bama team in 2002. Remind him we won that one 37-27. It was a barn burner! I’m sure that one still stings. Ask him. I bet he remembers it well. I do.

OK, here’s the thing as I see it: The Ragin’ Cajuns are a solid squad. They were picked to win the Sun Belt Conference. So they beat the Bobcats’ posterior regions! They were supposed to! Now your boys take on Louisiana Monroe, which was predicted to be second best in the league. Are you scared? Heck no. Monroe’s got no offense to speak of. Their hot shot QB Kolton Browning in out for the season. Even his backup is hurting. They might end up playing their own freshman quarterback before the game is over. Heck, they’re 2-4! Quit the crying and play ball.

ULM’s got a pretty solid defense, I hear, but – despite the slap down Texas State took last week – I think Fran’s D is stout. The boys know how to tackle. They ought to be giving the Longhorns lessons. But not for another week, please! So you’re at home, you got some talent and something to prove after that pitiful beat down. Your boys win! They keep on winning against teams that aren’t doing much.

Bowl game? I don’t know, Joe. But a two- or three-loss season is nothing to bitch about. Ask Mack Brown on Sunday. It’s like I learned from my Daddy, the coach, back in Ohio – that’s round on the ends and high in the middle: Every winter my father had the biggest and baddest snowball in the neighborhood. You had to watch out for it! Let me read you what it says on this plaque by my desk here in Soonerville: "Dear Lord, I pray that my place will never be with the cold, timid souls who do not compete yet criticize, for they never know or feel success or failure."

Keep on scribbling, Joe! Tell Fran and the Bobcat fans to take it one day at a time. Oh, and tell Mack Brown I’ve got one badass snowball waiting for him. Back to work!