Stoops and Franchione

Editor's note: Joe O’Connell claims to have intercepted this message left by OU Coach Bob Stoops in Dennis Franchione’s voicemail box, but O’Connell also claims to have the power to steal elections and to understand the inner thoughts of Gruyere cheese. We don’t believe a word of it and neither should you.

Coach Frantastic! It’s Stoops, your old buddy and pal. Well, we did play against each other a time or two, didn’t we. I seem to remember when your Bama boys came to town in 2002. What a team you had! We had your Tide down 23-3 at the half, but you guys powered back to make it 27-23 in the fourth. We just plain fell apart! My QB Jason White tore his ACL. Didn’t he win the Heisman the next year? Yeah! He did! Good thing his backup, ole Nate Hybel, knew how to toss a shovel pass. What was that final score – 37-27? You can’t win ‘em all, but I try! Roll Tide! They’ve got a heck of a team this year, I understand.

But you’re back down in San Marcos again. Where it all started for you, right? I just wanted to call and wish you a Merry Homecoming! It’s homecoming week for y’all, right? Or was that last week when your Bobcats played at New Mexico? I know you coached there after your last stint at Southwest Texas State. They changed the school’s name? Now that’s confusing.

Listen, the thing is, Fran, I saw the stats on that game. You gave up 361 yards on the ground. I knew the Lobos were one-dimensional, but it sounds like your defense took a long cigarette break. That Kasey Carrier kid is well named: 191 yards and four touchdowns. Yikes! I like your quarterback Shaun Rutherford, though, even when he throws those interceptions like that one that put the other guys up 35-14. He’s a hoss. At least your boys held New Mexico scoreless for most of the second half. Of course, y’all couldn’t score either. What’s it like to be playing in the WAC knowing the conference is a goner after this year, coach?

But, here’s the thing. We’re playing Mack Brown’s boys from Austin on Saturday. Judging by their loss to West Virginia, they can’t stop the run either. Are you and Mack trading coaching tips? If so, I’d sure like to hear them. But Mack’s boys beat New Mexico 45-0, so there you go. I guess the Lobos were still stinging about all things from the Lone Star State. You know, like when you coached over at Texas A&M and my crew beat them 77-0 in 2003. That had to sting. Wasn’t it the worst loss in Aggie history? Roll Tide!

I’m funning you, coach. You know I only do it out of respect and honor. I’m blowing off steam here. But seriously, if you have any tips about what Mack Brown’s boys have planned for us, I’m all ears. We took care of bidness last week with Landry Jones actually looking like a quarterback for once against Texas Tech. We won it 41-20. How’d the Bobcats stack up against the Red Raiders? 58-10. Ouch, bubba. I’m gonna loan you some defensive players. Seriously. We’re loaded.

So, Jolly Homecoming to you, Fran. Y’all are playing the Idaho Spuds on Saturday I hear. More power to you. I hear Idaho found a team actually worse than they are in New Mexico State last week and beat them. It was Idaho’s Homecoming. Your Bobcats should do fine. Schedule a patsy for Homecoming weekend, I always say. Crush ‘em, coach. And welcome back to FBS football. Maybe our teams can hook up some year. Let’s plan on it.