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Horns Run, Pass All Over Ye Olde Miss

Ash is almost perfect, defense not, in 66-31 win

By Michael Corcoran, 10:41AM, Sun. Sep. 16, 2012

Horns Run, Pass All Over Ye Olde Miss

So much for, what they call in parts of Mississippi, “the Obama curse.” Two days after visiting the evil Muslim job-destroyer in the White House with the U.S. Olympic team, wide receiver Marquise Goodwin made an insane bolt between defenders for a 69-yard touchdown that led the Texas Longhorns to a 66-31 win at Ole Miss.

Giving up six touchdowns and a field goal on seven consecutive possessions, the quaint Missy D couldn’t stop the speedier, more powerful Horns. QB David Ash perfected the underthrow for over 300 yards passing and Malcolm “Powder” Brown chafed the D for 128 on the ground. D.J. Monroe had a spectacular rushing TD for the third game in a row and Joe Bergeron was well on his way to 100 plus before he left with a shoulder injury that needs the upcoming bye week like Chris Brown’s neck needs laser surgery.

Sophomore linebacker Steve Edmonds of Daingerfield finally got some respect, returning a Bo Wallace boo-boo for a touchdown to start the scoring. But the vaunted UT defense was as porous as a crocheted jug, with the usually reliable Carrington Byndom III playing like he went to Exeter Prep. Quandre Diggs came up with two interceptions to break even for a game that saw him consistently beaten by Donte “Good Grief” Moncreif. If Dre Dre wants to create a job job for himself in the NFL, he’s gotta start tackling better.

Meanwhile, safety Kenny Vaccaro, who likes to pantomime a Superman-like shirt rip after a big play, more closely resembled another comic book hero, the Invisible Man. Where was he on 3rd and 17 when Ole Miss converted with a 30-yard pass on the way to its first touchdown? Linebacker Jordan Hicks, who injured himself on a horse collar tackle, seemed unsettled before his early exit. And the other OLB DeMarcus Cobb once again played like a 47 per center.

Two areas in which the Horns were picture postcard perfect were offensive line and defensive end. “Delta Don” Hawkins came home and protected Ash’s blind side like Sandra Bullock was taking him out for ice cream after the game. And on the defense, Alex Okafor and Jackson Jeffcoat were throwing blockers around like they were clothes on the bed and Oak and Coat couldn’t find their wallets. Best sack of the night, however, came from backup Reggie Wilson, who made an old DE named Reggie proud as he vaporized a block and took a Wallace down like Nixon did in ’68.

Formerly inconsistent WR Mike Davis gets some Hornucopia fruit for a great game, with five catches for 124 yards and a big touchdown that put it away after an Ole Miss kickoff return for a TD.

The play of the game, however, was made in the replay booth. With Ole Miss down 17-7, they seemingly brought it to 17-14 in the second quarter when Moncrief caught a pass on the sideline, shed Diggs like a Members Only jacket, and sprinted into the end zone. As the sellout crowd at Vaught-Faulkner Field sensed an upset, officials had a look-see. Although there didn’t seem to be inconclusive evidence to overturn the call, refs took down the points, put the ball at the 23 and the Rebels had to settle for a field goal. Some Rebels!

Put to votes in Mississippi today, same sex marriage would have a better chance of passing than use of instant replay.

Did that call in the booth shift the momentum? Mos def. But even Michael Jackson’s skin doctor couldn’t change the complexion of this game. Texas had the hosses, Ole Miss had the ponies passed over by Alabama and Arkansas.

So, Texas is off next week, but the players will be watching more film than a young Woody Allen. Then it’s four biggies in a row: Oklahoma State in Stillwater, West Virginia here, Oklahoma in the Brent Musburger Bowl, Pardner and then Baylor at home. If Texas plays like they did last night, they’d split the four. But if Ash contines his Boy II Man routine and Manny’s D plays like it can, Texas could at least be 6-1 going up to play a surpringly competitive Kansas.

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