FEATURED CONTENT
 

the score

Longhorns Pop Some Viagra to Battle the OU-beaters

Virile D should dominate Tech

By Joe O'Connell, 12:27PM, Fri. Nov. 4, 2011

Fozzy 'Bear' Whittaker
Fozzy 'Bear' Whittaker
Photo courtesy of Matt Hempel

Longhorn football fans have their own version of porn: watching someone else beat Oklahoma. For what is porn but being a voyeur instead of being part of the action?

The Horns had a serious case of impotence against OU a few weeks back in a 55-17 emasculation, then they got to stay up late into the night watching Texas Tech dismantle the Sooners in a weather-delayed shocker. It was titillating, wild, and hard to believe.

But the Red Raiders followed their envy-producing performance by going limp for lowly Iowa State in a 41-7 debacle last Saturday. It was so, so, so Texas 2010. Now Texas 2011 welcomes Texas Tech to town with pollsters assuming the Horns’ flawless 43-0 win over really, really, really hapless Kansas points to a Texas win this week. Not so fast.

Both teams, save that 41-38 Tech win over then No. 3 OU, remain wild cards. They’ve mostly won games they should have — Texas over Rice, a weak UCLA and Iowa State, and Tech over Texas State, New Mexico and Nevada – and mostly lost against better squads – Texas to OU and Oklahoma State and Tech to the Aggies and Kansas State.

Oh, and Tech beat Kansas, too, but it was 45-34, not the bitch-slapping the Horns applied to Kansas.

So count this game as a decisive moment for the unpredictable Longhorns. Are the young Horns gelling finally? All signs point to yes. Mad scientist Mike Leach is wandering the country hawking his book Swing Your Sword and telling tales of peeing on a neighbor’s dog. He’s not helming the Red Raiders, though new coach Tommy Tuberville (is it just me or does he look like a former fat guy who lost 150 pounds eating at Subway?) and his team are trying to keep up Leach’s pass-happy tradition while sneaking in the run occasionally. It’s mostly working with an average of about 500 yards and almost 40 points per game. Quarterback Seth “Lonesome” Doege is straight off the Leach blueprint. The problem is their main ball carrier, Eric Stephens, is out for the season and Texas’ stout defense is the true reason the Horns are favorites.

Worse, the Tech defensive secondary is riddled with injuries and will start a special teams player and perhaps a former wide receiver, so the Horns will be tempted to throw the ball against a team that rattled OU’s seasoned Landry Jones just enough to stop short a second-half comeback. Freshman David Ash hasn’t been in Jones’ league as Texas' QB, but he’s shown sparks as the apparent winner in the Longhorns’ game of Ball Handler Musical Chairs.

But Texas will start the game trying to prove that last week’s power running attack against Kansas was no fluke. Malcolm Brown has surpassed lofty expectations, Fozzy “Bear” Whittaker looks better than ever, and some guy named Joe Bergeron wants the ball, too.

The Longhorns should win this week, but don’t expect a complete blowout. The bad news? This should be the easiest contest remaining on the Texas schedule, and, yes, that includes Baylor. Time for the Horns to stock up on Viagra.

share
print
write a letter