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the score

Sorry, I Wasn't Looking. Could You Kick That Again?

By Jeremy Martin, 12:26PM, Mon. Nov. 6, 2006

This book and others are available at your local library. But you don't have to take my word for it.
This book and others are available at your local library. But you don't have to take my word for it.
"Do-Over" by Rachel Vail

This Sunday didn't count, right? Don't tell me they're actually going to record the results of those games, like for real.

If you accidentally turned off the Cowboys/Redskins game in the last few seconds, mistakenly thinking Mike Vanderjagt would make that chip-in field goal and would limp on to a marginally deserved victory, it's probably best if you stop reading this blog right now.
Just when you thought the Cowboys had managed to lose in every possible way, they've figured out how to throw a game away after the clock's run out. All that's left is for them to lose games they've already won or get beat by teams they haven't played, and they'll be an unstoppable draft-picking machine. Let's see the Raiders match my new projected Cowboys record of 0 and 53.

I could gripe about the penalties, 11 for 153 yards, which were actually less than the Boys deserved – the line held on virtually every play. I could point out the fact that Terrell Owens, making more money this season than anyone reading a sports blog will see in a lifetime, intentionally racked up a 15-yard penalty, yelled at Bill Parcells for briefly and calmly chastising him, and then proceeded to drop a sure game-winning touchdown.
For that much money, you'd think he could remember to close his hands when the ball falls directly into them. Or at least keep in mind that the appropriate response to wiping your ass on your team's playoff hopes is not a big, goofy grin.

I could mention that the offensive line seemed to achieve the impossible in pursuit of a loss: They somehow managed to hold defenders on every play and still let them through for a sack and a safety; they didn't move quick enough to stop Troy Vincent from blocking the field goal, but guard Kyle Kosier sprung to life in time to grab a face mask and prevent the game from going into overtime.

I could even take the lowest road and cry about the disastrous two-point conversion attempt that kept the score unnecessarily tied for most of the game, or argue that the face mask was fairly minor and had little to do with the outcome of the play, and so shouldn't have determined the outcome of the game.

But instead, I'm going to be mature for once and simply suggest that the NFL just declare this a practice week and give everyone a mulligan. This wasn't the only game that should be replayed. Obviously Sunday's games were some kind of sick joke at the expense of football fans. Consider the evidence: The once-undefeated Bears got a beating at the hands of Joey Harrington and the Dolphins, the Lions destroyed the Falcons, the Browns came within a touchdown of the Chargers, and the Colts beat the Patriots, largely thanks to their defense. Not only that, but the Monday night game this week is the Raiders vs. Seahawks. That was really the best game ESPN could come up with? Hahaha, real funny, NFL. Just put everybody's schedule back the way it was and we'll all have a good laugh.

Assuming the schedule stands, I'm predicting Dallas does no better than .500 this season. They've yet to win two weeks in a row, and they still have to play the Colts, the Giants, the Saints, the Falcons, and the Eagles, all games which could be easy losses. Unless the Cowboys make a few drastic changes this week, I wouldn't even be surprised if they lose to the Cardinals Sunday. Maybe it's the Cowboys roster that needs a do-over.

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