Steve Stockman Finally Shuts Up

Say what you will about Rep. Steve Stockman, but he has never been short of words. Whether suggesting that the Clinton administration staged the Waco Branch Davidian raid to ban assault rifles or calling grizzled summer sausage Ted Nugent a "patriot", he comes with enough bon mots to entertain the most jaded courtiers at Versailles.

But lately Stockman has been less than loquacious. The former "studerino" hasn't said a peep about how he makes his $350,000 yearly income. Or anything about his business associations or how he affords to keep those cheeks so rosy. Even after the Houston Chronicle published a lengthy piece about his failure to follow federal disclosure laws, he hasn't made as much as a grunt.

At issue is Stockman's mysterious business venture called Presidential Trust Marketing. The problem is that no one, including Stockman, seems to know what the business actually does. Does it market presidential trust? Does it advise potential candidates on how to seem more presidential, and thus, less Stockmanesque? Was it responsible for Liberia's god-awful talking John F. Kennedy coin?

Beats the hell out of us. The Houston Chronicle was unable to find a public record that could prove the business is real. Stockman seemingly just creates entities out of thin air, using a very limited magnetic poetry set. In the late 2000's, he had the Presidential Statutory Trust Foundation. In 2004, he had the minimalistic Presidential Trust. Presumably, he is already hard at work creating a new venture – the "Presidential Foundation Trust Foundation and Trust" or maybe just "P-Trust." One must be careful to remain contemporary.

A handful of P.O. Boxes serve as the corporate headquarters for his various ventures, at least 10 of which are still operational. He must have saved a mint on travertine. Among the more curious entities, mostly dissolved, are Cherokee Solutions, Fallen Angel, the Radio Underground Network, and Friends of Congressman Stockman. None of those ventures seem to actually conduct business, although the Presidential Trust Foundation did briefly raise money for a seemingly unfilmed documentary: TWISTED - Exposing Michael Moore .

How any of these businesses make Stockman $350,000 remains a mystery. We guess we just have to have, uhm, trust. We are sure that arming babies is very lucrative.