Seeking Derangement

After walking all day in red pumps and Spanx, the last thing the average Texas woman wants to do is spend hours navigating HealthCare.gov. It's sooooo hard, you guys. And banging all those keys positively murders a manicure.

But the contemporary lady has a secret. Shhhh! Put your ear close to the screen. Red-blooded Texas men are apparently willing to pay for health insurance. Emergency appendectomies, hypertension pills, even an occasional catheterization can all be yours through the careful application of feminine wiles. Introducing the "Sugar Daddy Insurance Plan." We'll wait while you take a Silkwood shower.

On Thursday, SeekingArrangement.com debuted a billboard in Garland featuring a very unorthodox doctor. (Seriously, we doubt she even went to medical school.) Seems the prostitution lite site is using the hubbub about the Affordable Care Act to try to up the available array of "Sugar Babies."

Ethically challenged Internet pimp Brandon Wade explains, “Younger, healthy Americans are essentially subsidizing those who need health care more. While ‘Obamacare’ proves beneficial to those with pre-existing conditions, low-income and elderly, young adults are now required to pay for services that they rarely use. In response, we are proving that there exists other options to curb the increasing costs of health care.”

Thank God for those other options. Before the ACA was being debated, thousands of women were disguising themselves as naughty nurses to get flu shots. Now, even that ploy won't work. Women are being forced to buy their own insurance. Desperate, they shimmy down the streets in rags. Post Obamacare, America has become the "Love Is a Battlefield" video.

To appeal to the Tea Party patriot in all of us, SeekingArrangement couldn't help taking a few jabs at the Affordable Care Act. “Unlike ‘Obamacare,’ SeekingArrangement.com offers a fully functional website and realistic solutions in the form of generous benefactors,” said Wade. “Generally, health care does not favor women financially; they are often required to pay higher fees and premiums. With our site, women can gain an advantage.”

Ah, so that explains it. "Sugar Daddy" is actually code for "Republican." We're sure the Koch brothers will make it an enchanted evening. But ladies, bring your own rose.