Jailhouse Crock

The Dew peddles influence to get niece out of the clink

By Brandon Watson, 3:30PM, Thu. Aug. 22, 2013

Jailhouse Crock
photo by John Anderson

It hasn't exactly been the best summer for David Dewhurst. Since the first special session, the Lite Guv has moved from flop to flounder, involving himself in a succession of shitstorms. Now, Allen police have released audio of him peddling influence to bust a family member out of jail. Dewd! Maybe it's time to hire a publicist?

On August 3, Dewhurst's niece Ellen Bevers got popped for allegedly shoplifting $57 in groceries from a Collin County Kroger. Hearing of these charges, Dewhurst took it upon himself to defend her name. Bevers, after all, is "the sweetest woman in the world." Certainly, she is nothing like that "unruly mob" who keep giving Dew troubles. She's probably never even seen Orange is the New Black. Damn libruls!

Certainly, such a high profile injustice required higher intervention. Dewhurst was quickly on the case, calling the Collin County Sheriff Office and demanding to speak with the highest-ranking official. Dallas area station NBC 5 was able to get the tape via Texas open records law. It's a rare private peak at the consummate statesman.

After a two minute wait, Dew was finally connected to the on-duty sergeant. Ever the political wrangler, he wasted no time in getting down to the brass tacks."What I would like to do, if you would explain it to me, sergeant," Dew said. "What I need to do is to arrange for getting her out of jail this evening." Dew reminded the sergeant that he is a friend of the police. "Sergeant, you don't know me, but every year I'm the number one pick of all the law enforcement agencies in Texas." "The number one pick," he reminded, like a good ol' boy Kanye West at the Grammys.

Although Dewhurst was careful to remind the sergeant that he "can proceed with whatever [he] think[s] is proper," he was clear that he wanted to "get her out of jail, post bond, whatever.” Of course, "whatever" can have many different interpretations. Maybe "whatever" is leaving a key near Bever's cell. Maybe it's throwing her a celebratory brunch. Kroger makes divine pastries. Has anyone checked the evidence room?

Unfortunately for Dew, the sergeant had to follow procedure. Dew seemed gobsmacked. "You're telling me," he queried, "that there is nothing you can do, you're going to transport her to Collin County regardless?" The sergeant suggested he call the jail, certainly an indignity for the "number one pick of all law enforcement agencies in Texas." "Whoa," he entreated, "What in the world do you expect me to say to them?"

For a political candidate rapidly falling out of favor, our suggestion would be to say "sorry."

Full audio below.

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