News Ticker: August 1

Jan Ullrich pleads for forgiveness, Eddie Lucio Jr. gets schooled, and Wendy Davis racks up expenses. Excuses are on the News Ticker.

• President Barack Obama has ordered an audit of chemical safety rules in response to the West Fertilizer blast. With this and the DOJ voting law review, there is an outside chance that he just wants to piss off Gov. Rick Perry.

• State Board of Education chairperson Barbara Cargill was very helpful Wednesday at a meeting of the "independent" state science textbook review panel. Without her, poor Texas students might have never known that there is a tiny Jesus in every atom, just zapping his little heart out.

• GOP lawmakers want Sen. Wendy Davis to foot the bill for the second special session. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but fair is fair. If Wendy pays for the special, we're sure Republicans will open up their pocketbooks for the thousands of women left without health care.

• Sen. Eddie Lucio Jr. is getting an earful eyeful on Twitter from people who aren't cottoning to his bill suggesting that women seeking abortion should take a three-hour adoption course.

• Former rival Jan Ullrich says that Lance Armstrong should retain his Tour de France titles because everyone was doping at the time. He added that Pablo Escobar got a bad rap because, hey, it was the 70s.

• An ad in the Texas Blue Pages says a mysterious Democrat is seeking an aide for a statewide "exploratory effort." We guess at this point Anthony Weiner has nothing left to lose.

• Here's Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst modeling the latest in conservative fashions at a school choice fashion show. It was a bit like Project Runway, except Dewhurst has proven he can't make anything work.

• We often wonder if Sen. Ted Cruz sometimes gets so stuck in his rut of saying "no" to everything that he accidentally declines something that he would like. Maybe we can use that to our advantage by asking him if he plans to seek reelection.

• On August 16, supporters will rally at the Capitol to keep pressuring the State Board of Appeals to offer Daniel Villegas a new trial. The Austin Chronicle's own Jordan Smith broke down the case in April for The Nation.

• Aeromar will be offering direct Austin to Mexico City flights beginning in April. Sen. John Cornyn has already begun TSA training so he can personally stop them.

• The Texas Department of Public Safety has apparently withdrawn their subpoena of "terroristic" Austinite Denise Romano's Twitter account. The move was supported by Sen. Lucio, who believes withdrawal is the only acceptable method.