News Ticker: July 15

Greg Abbott throws himself a party, Tom Pauken breaks out the scrapbook, and Kevin Eltife does some investigative reporting. Self-promotion is on the News Ticker.

• Over the weekend, Gov. Rick Perry spent several hours in prosthetic make-up so he could announce his desire to seek reelection as Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott.

• But who is this Greg Abbott? The Texas Democratic Party doesn't think he's all that good of a guy. They're still waiting for him to return the lawn mower he borrowed last summer.

• Meanwhile, San Antonio Express-News columnist Peggy Fikac is focused on Abbott's positions. The columnist finds Abbott's views on reproductive rights "nuanced." Like a finely aged can of Strawberry Lemonade XXX Limited Edition 4 Loko. "

• Gubernatorial frenemy Tom Pauken has his own take, noting that Ronald Reagan never shook hands with Abbott. How can we trust Texas with a man who has never touched the Gipper?

• Moving on. Sen. Kevin Eltife claims that "third party groups" were responsible for the mysterious vials of feces that sparked Friday's Tampongate. We'll buy that. The Texas Department of Public Safety does technically meet the definition of a third party.

• Gov. Rick Perry says that he's sure the sweeping abortion regulations are constitutional . He should know; he has watched almost an entire season on CSI:Miami. And sometimes his hairdresser gives him the "Elena Kagan."

• Michael Dell is looking to "reclaim his legacy," even as investor Carl Icahn is sweetening the shareholder pot to seek his ouster. Dude, if he wants to go back to the good ole days, we're sure Ben Curtis is available for parties.

• Sen. Ted Cruz's planned trip to New Hampshire was complicated recently when staffers noted his ego would stretch past the state borders.

• The Austin Independent Citizens Redistricting Commission will be seeing demonstrations of mapping software as the next step of the "10-ONE" process. Subsequent meetings will focus on the logistics of building a Rube Goldberg device for deciding who should decide on said software.