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News Ticker: May 20

All the news that's fit to blog

By Brandon Watson, 3:40PM, Mon. May. 20, 2013

Dan Patrick don't know much about a science book, don't know much about the french he took
Dan Patrick don't know much about a science book, don't know much about the french he took

Ted Nugent has a family feud, Dan Patrick drops some knowledge, and Texas is getting a little antsy. Grumpiness is on the News Ticker.

• Like a Dilbert desk calendar, the Texas news cycle seems to be perpetually telling the same joke. It always starts out with some unearned braggadocio, like A.G. Greg Abbott reminding the world why he is a tough, smart lawyer.

• Then there is an appearance from someone somehow connected to celebrity. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Revlon executive Jeffrey Nugent.

• Inevitably, a Texas official will do something to make Floridians seem comparably sane.

• And every week there is a reminder that the eyes of Texas are upon you…like twin Eyes of Sauron blighting everything sacred and pure. We hate it when Garfield's right.

• At first we thought it was a nice change of pace that crazy ants were taking over. They were so spontaneous; every day was an adventure. By the time they showed up with identical haircuts, it was too late.

• Now that Sen. Dan Patrick and other social conservatives have succeeded in pressuring CSCOPE to stop producing curriculum, anything goes with Texas lesson plans. Who knew Gov. Rick Perry single-handedly defeated the enemy forces at the Alamo using nothing more than an ionic hair dryer?

• Still, the new curriculum is sure to be more edifying than KEYE's hard-hitting story about personalized license plates. SLWNWSDY?

• Come to think of it, we've never seen conservative blogger Daniel Greer and anonymous tweeter Richard Fiasco in the same room. Dark frames don't always hide super men.

• We are a bit disappointed that neither Crash Override nor Acid Burn were one of the hackers bringing civic technology to City Hall.

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